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getting kicked out for being too autistic

elliot

i’m 20 and on the verge of getting kicked out of my dads house for being too visibly autistic. he believes autism is a behavioural problem and that i deliberately choose to mask ‘when it suits me’. he says he will not tolerate rudeness or passive aggression anymore (his idea of this is when i don’t make eye contact or small talk, and when my tone of voice isn’t ‘polite enough’) … granted these things are easier for me in certain situations but we already have a lot of issues in our relationship due to past abuse & him basically being a huge misogynist who 100% believes i am unstable and need to be disciplined into normality. 

my mum is being somewhat helpful but they are divorced and do not live together, and she also faced horrendous abuse from him and he has no interest in listening to her when she tries to advocate for me. right now she is trying to help me sort financial support and housing because i am completely unable to work or leave the house on my own or even contact services myself to access support. i am essentially trapped in my own home trying to hide all visible signs of autism because i know one slip up could leave me homeless - i have nowhere else to go, my mum has no room for me and i have no other family. 

I’ve never been more genuinely terrified for my future. i don’t feel able to live on my own yet, there are a thousand things i can’t do independently which include even the most mundane of household tasks, and i have nobody to support me. i also fear that in being forced to leave and be permanently on my own before i’m ready my mental health will rapidly decline and i might fall into old dangerous habits, i worry i will never talk to another person again, i will have no money and be unable to eat, have no friends, no chance at a relationship, and being unable to drive and having a chronic phobia of public transport (it sounds silly i know, but i cannot even look at a bus without nausea) will leave me trapped on my own unable to even go out into the community on my own.

i know nobody can really help but i desperately needed to talk about it 

Parents

  • Hello Elliot, sorry to hear you are in that situation.

    In your shoes I would start the following tasks:

    1 - prepare an escape bag. Work out what you would need if you had to run away and live on your own (basic clothing, essential toiletries, phone charger and mobile phone and all your essential info. Try to work out what would fit in a hold-all so that if you only had 2 mins to grab your stuff then it is all in one place or very easy to locate.

    2 - try to get some cash together and keep it somewhere safe (with your mum perhaps) so you have a reserve if you need it.

    3 - research all you can about the support services open to you such as the ones Peter and DeSpereaux mention. There may be more but go learn about them, where they are and how to get access to them.  If you are using a computer to research this, do it on a private browser window so there is no history of it for anyone to find.

    4 - if you can find a way out that works, plan your exit and take it when you can. Keep your mother informed but say nothing to your father other than a note to say "I've gone - don't come after me". Keep welfare services informed of the situation as well in case they can offer any more support.

    5 - don't do anything spiteful on your way out - you never know if you may need to go back one day.

    6 - If you have location services on your mobile phone, disable these when you leave or your father may come looking for you.

    This is not advice, just what I would do in your situation.

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  • Hello Elliot, sorry to hear you are in that situation.

    In your shoes I would start the following tasks:

    1 - prepare an escape bag. Work out what you would need if you had to run away and live on your own (basic clothing, essential toiletries, phone charger and mobile phone and all your essential info. Try to work out what would fit in a hold-all so that if you only had 2 mins to grab your stuff then it is all in one place or very easy to locate.

    2 - try to get some cash together and keep it somewhere safe (with your mum perhaps) so you have a reserve if you need it.

    3 - research all you can about the support services open to you such as the ones Peter and DeSpereaux mention. There may be more but go learn about them, where they are and how to get access to them.  If you are using a computer to research this, do it on a private browser window so there is no history of it for anyone to find.

    4 - if you can find a way out that works, plan your exit and take it when you can. Keep your mother informed but say nothing to your father other than a note to say "I've gone - don't come after me". Keep welfare services informed of the situation as well in case they can offer any more support.

    5 - don't do anything spiteful on your way out - you never know if you may need to go back one day.

    6 - If you have location services on your mobile phone, disable these when you leave or your father may come looking for you.

    This is not advice, just what I would do in your situation.

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