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Puzzled

Sporadic Sparkly

I'm aware that there are members past and present that have experienced or are currently experiencing issues with alcohol, and it's got me thinking about something that often used to puzzle me.

Many, many years ago I had been in a relationship with an alcoholic. I will spare you all the gory details, but whenever he hit the bottle (vodka was his preferred poison) he would always end up watching The Shawshank Redemption, which was one of his favourite films. Whilst there is nothing unusual about watching a favourite film, he would always cry and get terribly maudlin if he watched that film when he was drunk.

What I struggled to understand was why he insisted upon watching that film, when it had such a negative effect on his mood. He was fine if he watched that film when he was sober, but I just couldn't understand him wanting to watch it when he was drunk. I lost count of the occasions when he would phone me up in an almost inconsolable state after watching that film.

I'm curious as to whether what I've described might resonate with anyone. Not sure if it's relevant, but he was NT.

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  • The psychoanalytical understanding of what drives neurotypical behaviour and social engagement is centred around guilt and debt. It's been suggested historically an exchange between 2 civilised adults will always involve a deep unshakable experience of guilt and either a creating or a sense of indebtedness toward one another without really either recognising it or understanding why.

    It's suggested these mechanics which are deeply encoded into the neuro-wiring of a neurotypical being, keep society civil, keep a sense of togetherness through a parade of selflessness and in my opinion (informed by several philosophers and psychoanalysts) mark the core fundamental difference influencing motive and reward in NT vs Autistic. 

    I'm very aware this movie hits that fundamental core of the NT and when inhibitions are overridden, they might feel a type of 'liberation' that is at once freeing and isolation or may feel seen and remorseful, as if someone peered into their guilty conscious but may have no way to ever be released from it. It's complex stuff. But makes sense this would happen. He would've been better off visiting a confessional weekly, tbf, but it sounds like he made you that confessional. We all want to be understood and known at a very core level. To some degree, NTs might feel too much like others and struggle to feel unique. There's a lot to unpack here, but this is kind of the basic stuff. 

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  • The psychoanalytical understanding of what drives neurotypical behaviour and social engagement is centred around guilt and debt. It's been suggested historically an exchange between 2 civilised adults will always involve a deep unshakable experience of guilt and either a creating or a sense of indebtedness toward one another without really either recognising it or understanding why.

    It's suggested these mechanics which are deeply encoded into the neuro-wiring of a neurotypical being, keep society civil, keep a sense of togetherness through a parade of selflessness and in my opinion (informed by several philosophers and psychoanalysts) mark the core fundamental difference influencing motive and reward in NT vs Autistic. 

    I'm very aware this movie hits that fundamental core of the NT and when inhibitions are overridden, they might feel a type of 'liberation' that is at once freeing and isolation or may feel seen and remorseful, as if someone peered into their guilty conscious but may have no way to ever be released from it. It's complex stuff. But makes sense this would happen. He would've been better off visiting a confessional weekly, tbf, but it sounds like he made you that confessional. We all want to be understood and known at a very core level. To some degree, NTs might feel too much like others and struggle to feel unique. There's a lot to unpack here, but this is kind of the basic stuff. 

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