Going to the doctor

Hi - I’m so sorry to hear that your daughter struggles with this so much too - that must be so hard for her and for you and the whole family. I can understand it - I get incredibly anxious about these things too. And like you I worry about how my son will deal with this sort of thing in the future. He hates cleaning his teeth and hates the dentist - and these things are not compatible! I’m sending you and your daughter all best wishes and solidarity - you are both not on you’re own in struggling in this way x 

NAS88014 said:

I really don’t know what will happen to her…

If she has an abcess formed in her jaw or skull and it does not get treated properly then it will eat away at the bone until a sizeable part of her mouth becomes so badly infected she dies of septic shock or it collapses and she ends up with severe facial deformities.

There are a load of other complications, none pleasant, that can also result from this - maybe show her the consequences of her lack of treatment to see if it will scare her into action:

https://www.healthline.com/health/dental-and-oral-health/how-long-until-a-tooth-infection-kills-you

She is not yet an adult so you still have a power over her care, but getting her to accept it sounds like a realy uphill struggle.

Good luck

Kate Kestrel said:

the stress of being in a waiting room

Is it possible for them to wait outside and the receptionist call their mobile when it is time to go in? My dentist does this and it is so helpful. 

Hi I’m going through this our daughter who is 15 has extreme anxiety about going to hospital and dentist so has refused point blank for years now! She currently has severe tooth pain so we’re having to deal with this ourselves with paracetamol and nurofen it’s so worrying and also to see her rolling around in pain, because she’s high functioning autistic social stories and stuff like that don’t help..last year we had to call an ambulance she ended up hitting the ambulance driver!  She did apologise after but refused to go to hospital I really don’t know what will happen to her…

Thanks Dimples :) They’ve recently changed virtually everything at this Doctors in terms of appointments and contacting them etc. They KEEP changing stuff all the time. So I’ll check out what they’re currently doing. Thanks for your help :) 

That’s so kind of you Fantasy - thank you so much

To be honest I can relate to his anxiety because I feel much the same about going to the Doctor! Or anything medical related. I think though that having had two children the embarrassment side of it (which is worrying my family member a lot) isn’t so much of an issue for me now, but I still struggle a lot with most other aspects of it. But sometimes if it’s something important that’s not really much choice (for me). But I am very respectful of the fact that once someone is an adult and has capacity you have to respect their choice. We have a very good relationship which means everything to me and he knows that. We trust each other and he knows I’d never push him to do something he was not ready for. And he also knows I wouldn’t say it was important if it wasn’t. He hates to be rushed or pressured - that would panic him. I’ll wait a couple of days and gently raise the subject again, and see how he feels about it. Thanks again for your help - it means a lot to find so much kindness and understanding on here. Only other autistic people really ‘get it’ - you know? Thanks x 

Sorry to hear this. Well done on supporting him with this, he's lucky to have you. 

Do your doctors offer a video call service? That's something mine does and it is much easier for my asd.

that makes sense, sometimes I find it hard to relate to my husband & sons and things that they find difficult, but when it's made clear for me I can understand.  I know what anxiety & stress feel like but under different circumstances

Thanks - I’ll check that out. I think he will probably need to be physically seen for this issue though. 

use the online ask my gp feature, it makes it easier to ask a gp as you dont have to go there in person, its like typing a message in a chat room, so easy, gets rid of any reason to not ask a gp at least as you dont have to go in to a strange building waiting behind lots of old people for 3 hours to be seen anymore. just chat room them lol very easy.

Hello Kate. I’m so sorry you find yourself in this position and I understand how stressful and frustrating it can be to want and try to help but not really be able to help other than give encourage and as much support as you can muster. I’ve been in this position myself with my Mum who is also too anxious to call her doctor let alone actually go and see him. To be honest there’s not a lot you can do if this person doesn’t want or can’t seek medical help. You should be so proud of yourself though for being there for this person and offering support and encouragement. That in itself will be helping him/her more than you realise so good for you for being there for them. A lot of people don’t realise how big a help they are when they’re looking out for family and friends in the way you are. Wishing you and this person all the best. Take care.

Yes, these are helpful suggestions, thank you.

So many reasons, the stress of interacting with/talking to people, the stress of being in a waiting room (so much tension just sitting and waiting with other people close by), the environment (the smell of the doctors surgery, the lighting, the textures), health anxiety that makes a doctors surgery just generally unsettling, then seeing the actual doctor and having to convey the problem, being physically examined by the doctor who is a stranger, etc etc. Plus of course - what the doctor will say - that it might be something serious that might need further appointments etc. So many things.

Nikmum said:

, my son is ok once we are there

You could try doing a quick review session when you get back folowed by a suitable treat to reinforce it.

Something like "was the visit as bad as you thought it was going to be? Wasn't the doctor nice to you". It he says it was horrible then get him to explain it while the memory is fresh as it may reveal the underlying cause (eg "I hate being around sick peeople")

It may be a way to reinforce the lack of anticipated trauma for him and create that little hook in his mind the next time he needs to go.

Sorry I don't really have any advice but was wondering what the reasons for not wanting to visit the doctor are?  For the past couple of years I've had this issue with my 11 year old son, he gets really upset or refuses to attend a GP appointment.  At his age I haven't really given him much choice & the GPs are always really nice, my son is ok once we are there  but I don't know what makes him worry or get angry about going in the first place.  I think he finds it difficult to communicate these things also.

Do you that your young adult would feel as anxious with having an online / phone appointment?  This could then lead to a face to face apt if required?

Thanks Iain. We’ve talked about the information available online (eg nhs website) that says to get this checked out by your gp. It’s so hard for many autistic people to face going to the doctor (to be honest I hate going to doctor myself too so I do understand it). I don’t know how much they’ve looked at online about it - it certainly can be a disturbing experience to google health symptoms online! 

Hi Fantasy, thank you for your very kind words. I will keep encouraging and listening etc  - I think you’re right that is the most important thing to keep doing. I’m sorry that you’ve been struggling with the symptoms of anxiety. I’ve struggled with anxiety for years too and the physical symptoms really are horrible and can be so severe. I hope you get the therapy you need - I was on a very long nhs waiting list for therapy but finally I’m receiving the therapy and it’s definitely helping me. Good luck! 

I think a therapist is more the treatment I need. Just someone I can talk to about things. I've been to the Dr a few times in the last few years and despite my severe symptoms the tests always return normal, which I can't believe as I feel so bad at times! I am on the waiting list to see a therapist though but it's a long wait.

Fantasy said:

Do you think I should see my Dr in case of a tumour?

I wouldn't go with that assumption, but go because of the symptoms.

Thinking it maybe a tumor is going to get you stressed so instead think of all the other lesser things it could be instead (it is also highly likely to be one of the lesser issues anyway).

The anxiety is something we all have to different degrees, so I would try to find ways to manage this yourself (or with a therapist) before resorting to the doctor.

The unsteadiness and recurring headaches are symptoms that could be from a wide range of causes, most of them minor and easily treated.

I get chronic anxiety and suffer unsteadiness when walking and headaches as well. I've had this for the last year. Do you think I should see my Dr in case of a tumour?