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ASD and managing angry outburst (11year old)

J.Simpson

Evening, writing here at 10 pm as i am not at the end if the emotional line and i do not know what do to!! 

My son is 11 years old and has ASD, we only found out it was ASD in feb of this year, we was told years leading to this he had ADHD and that was the pathway he was put on to which we got the ASD diagnosis. 

I have had the local Family intervention teams in to help with his emontions, mainly anger. i have had behavioural support via his school, i have done parental courses also but every single thing ive learnt is not working the older he is getting. visual aids dont work anymore, timers, distraction, removing him or whatever is casuing the outburst away, nothing is helping. 

Basically i am really really searching for anything that can help us to manage the outburst!

any advice would be so helpful

thank you! 

Parents

  • Thank you everyone for your replies!! 

    i will take everything on board!! knew i come to right place! xx

  • in reply to J.Simpson

    Hi, me again.

    I wonder if you have any other neurodiverse family members?  My 11 year old wasn't diagnosed ASD - but he definitely struggles socially & emotionally (outbursts / meltdowns) I just posted a couple of days ago about managing his screen time.  My younger son is 10 and was diagnosed ADHD at the same time - this made a lot of sense & causes issues between my 2 boys.  Furthermore my husband was also diagnosed ADHD / ASD and this also adds to the so called drama at home.  My husband and I have tried to do lots of research and put in place things to help with the outbursts and meltdowns.  We are waiting for local help for my ADHD son as their assessments were done privately there wasn't much follow on support.  

    I have attended a local SEND coffee morning and this was really helpful just getting advice or knowing you're not the only one in this situation.

    At home I am called every name under the sun, I have also been pushed / hit.  I have been told by others not to take this personally but that's easier said than done.  Things have improved a lot at home but that's not to say we don't have an outburst or angry words every day & now it's the summer hols, I imagine that will be difficult to maintain.

    Sometimes I do get overwhelmed & lost my temper and say things I wish I didn't but we are all human & I try not to be too hard on myself.  

    The most helpful thing is to back off when you see things escalating - give space to your son and don't push for answers or for him to do something.  Once things have calmed down later you can maybe return to the issue at hand.  I've found the last few months stressful for my son - he had a school trip which he was very anxious about and he is worried about starting a new school.  Does your son have any of these worries?  I knew my son found it very hard to verbalise what he was struggling with or even know there was an issue until he was overwhelmed.  Could this be the same for your son?  When things are heading for a melt down, I don't engage with my son as often he is just trying to get a reaction from me so he can have a fight.  I might write him a note or just talk to him very calmly / monotone.  After the meltdown he is often able to say sorry or ride the emotion so it passes.  

    Perhaps talk about safe places / activities your son can do or go to when he feels he's losing control?  I have also found some print outs online mind-maps that are easy for my son to follow / understand - sorry I can't copy the link to these?

    I also know hormonal changes around this age could play a part.  All the best xx

Reply
  • in reply to J.Simpson

    Hi, me again.

    I wonder if you have any other neurodiverse family members?  My 11 year old wasn't diagnosed ASD - but he definitely struggles socially & emotionally (outbursts / meltdowns) I just posted a couple of days ago about managing his screen time.  My younger son is 10 and was diagnosed ADHD at the same time - this made a lot of sense & causes issues between my 2 boys.  Furthermore my husband was also diagnosed ADHD / ASD and this also adds to the so called drama at home.  My husband and I have tried to do lots of research and put in place things to help with the outbursts and meltdowns.  We are waiting for local help for my ADHD son as their assessments were done privately there wasn't much follow on support.  

    I have attended a local SEND coffee morning and this was really helpful just getting advice or knowing you're not the only one in this situation.

    At home I am called every name under the sun, I have also been pushed / hit.  I have been told by others not to take this personally but that's easier said than done.  Things have improved a lot at home but that's not to say we don't have an outburst or angry words every day & now it's the summer hols, I imagine that will be difficult to maintain.

    Sometimes I do get overwhelmed & lost my temper and say things I wish I didn't but we are all human & I try not to be too hard on myself.  

    The most helpful thing is to back off when you see things escalating - give space to your son and don't push for answers or for him to do something.  Once things have calmed down later you can maybe return to the issue at hand.  I've found the last few months stressful for my son - he had a school trip which he was very anxious about and he is worried about starting a new school.  Does your son have any of these worries?  I knew my son found it very hard to verbalise what he was struggling with or even know there was an issue until he was overwhelmed.  Could this be the same for your son?  When things are heading for a melt down, I don't engage with my son as often he is just trying to get a reaction from me so he can have a fight.  I might write him a note or just talk to him very calmly / monotone.  After the meltdown he is often able to say sorry or ride the emotion so it passes.  

    Perhaps talk about safe places / activities your son can do or go to when he feels he's losing control?  I have also found some print outs online mind-maps that are easy for my son to follow / understand - sorry I can't copy the link to these?

    I also know hormonal changes around this age could play a part.  All the best xx

Children
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