Post pandemic ‘normality’

I can understand that. I’m sorry because that’s very hurtful, even though I imagine they don’t mean it that way. People have busy, complicated lives and often they just haven’t got the energy and time to put into maintaining friendships and contact with family. I know it’s hard but do your best to not take it personally - easier said than done of course. I often felt very insecure about friendships before I met my husband - I found it so hard to know whether people liked me or not, or if they viewed the friendship differently to how I viewed it. I felt very lonely a lot of the time. When I met my husband I felt I didn’t need to worry so much about the fact that I found friendships so difficult and so worrying. Basically my husband became my true friend in a way I hadn’t experienced before. I was so insecure in all my friendships until I met him. And then we became a bit of an ‘island’. My eldest used to do Larp before the pandemic and his group stopped meeting up too. He moved away so he didn’t have the chance to return to it. So you’re not alone. I hope you can make new connections in time, but I really understand and it’s not easy. Good luck :) 

So some of them it might actually be a genuine fear. For example one of the organisers of the LARP group I mentioned has an immuno compromising health condition.

but for a lot of them they’ve simply drifted away. Some have actively created distance which is what hurts the most. And I think they did it because after 5 years of close friendship they realised that I was much more attached to them than they were to me. That I relied on them emotionally much more than they did on me. and that I would ultimately like to be much more present in their lives when they had time to be present in mine. And so I think they decided to cut contact because they couldn’t handle the fact that to me they were very close friends and they didn’t really feel that close to me anymore if they ever had.

Hi AuTriker,

thank you for your reply, and I’m really sorry you’re living with the stress of it all. I can relate to much of what you write.We are still being very careful, but I am having therapy for ptsd (for the trauma of being hospitalised with Covid and health anxiety) and my therapist is encouraging me to get out and go to places, which I am doing gradually. I’m still very careful though. Like you I have some health issues and some of those are from my first experience of Covid. Like you I have a fairly ‘jumpy’ immune system, and some other health issues too. So I am very cautious. We are trying to find a balance where we can do some of the things we enjoy but avoid very high risk very crowded places. In truth I don’t feel confident now in judging what the risk is. I think the Govt just wants us all to forget about it to help the economy. What I do feel confident about is that Covid is best avoided, but at the same time I want to enjoy my life and for my family to enjoy their lives and we can’t do that if we are constantly paranoid. So we are working on trying to get the balance right. My husband and son caught Covid for the second time in the spring and I went away from home for a while as I couldn’t face catching it again, but I know that it’s inevitable that at some point I will. I’m hoping they’ll develop a vaccine that is better at preventing us catching it at all. 
When we go out I see people everywhere who don’t seem worried about Covid at all - and I really hope they’re right not to worry! They quite possible are, but I just don’t know. 
Anyway, thank you for sharing your experience, and I am sending you all best wishes and solidarity x 

Hi Peter, I’m sorry that it’s impacted you in this way, that must be very difficult for you. The pandemic has had such wide ranging effects on people’s lives. Perhaps what lies behind your friends reluctance is simply fear of one form or another. Or maybe the expense of going out these days? We went out for a meal (sitting outside) last week and we were shocked how much everything cost. Also I think people have just got out of the habit of certain things. We used to go to the cinema really regularly but I was surprised to find that I didn’t miss it as much as I thought I would. Now we are happy just to watch films at home and it saves a lot of money too. We just changed the habit of going out to watch films, and don’t feel the need to go back. And I still want to avoid catching Covid. 

Anyway, thanks for your reply and I hope that with time your friends return to being more sociable with you. 

Thanks for this reply Precious - I really relate so much to what you say. I’m so sorry you were feeling suicidal - and for all the anxiety you are living with. I’ve experienced these things too. I also often feel overwhelmed by ‘little things’ (although they don’t feel ‘little’) more than I did before. I feel I reach a pitch of anxiety more quickly. I was very ill with Covid before I had the vaccines - but it’s not only illness and being in hospital that has made me feel like this. My youngest son (who is a young adult) has definitely been hugely impacted by the pandemic - he dropped out of college as he couldn’t face going back after the lockdowns. He still doesn’t feel able to return. 

I’m sorry it’s had such an impact on you too. I think any change is harder for autistic people, and we already deal with a lot of anxiety. Sometimes I feel as if everyone else is ‘over it’ and we are the only ones still struggling to get back to where we were - so it helps to know we’re not alone in that. Thank you for sharing your experience - I really appreciate it x 

The pandemic is not over for us. I need to avoid covid as I am at high risk of long covid, as I know my immune system has a tendency to that kind of over-reaction since I got arthritis from flu caught at uni. My energy levels are so desperately bad that even a slight reduction from long covid would be  horrific (and I am already having that from peri-menopause!) And autism (with our tendency for "all the things") makes this a higher risk factor for all of us! My Dad also feels this way, as his own health conditions are bad enough without long covid on top.

So our household and his are still effectively in some kind of lockdown! We go outside to cycle, summer is nice as we can socialise outside (except that we are in a bubble with my Dad so can go in his house) otherwise only online. I have only been indoors to the vet, the dentist, a blood test and an unavoidable pop in to the post office to renew my driving licence. And when I do, I am masked and feel unpleasantly close to panic.

We are heartily sick of it! We get our food by click and collect and wash or quarantine it all. I don't know how much longer we can live like this. The hermit part of me does feel it can go on indefinitely, but the ADHD part is climbing the walls! And my husband is really fed up as he has no personal risk except having to bed pan me if I was the worst case. But the stats show there is still a lot of covid around and if we emerge it is only a matter of time before the inevitable since jabs do not prevent catching it nor prevent long covid. Until some reliable treatment or prevention for long covid is found I will not feel safe to emerge. By which time I am concerned about the damage which has been done to our mental states.

So you are not alone feeling negative about the whole thing. And yes, the news is so doom-laden. I do wonder if we will be looking back on this in 20 years (if we're still alive!) and how it will seem then.

This seems a bit tangential to the collapse of my social life.

The USSA will NEVER allow peace and prosperity to exist in the World.

No I feel differently. I hated being cooped up inside. Not being able to spend time with friends. Not being able to do things outside of the house to relax like go window shopping or go to the cinema.

After the pandemic the world changed and in some ways it never went back. Restaurants I used to go to with my friends closed. The pub that I used to sit in when I was feeling stressed and needed to get out of the house closed.

A lot of my friends use the pandemic as an excuse to cut ties or create distance. The weekly get-together I had with my brother and some of his friends stopped I think largely because they were getting tired of it and also some of them were getting a little bit afraid of leaving the house. The local LARP Group that was one of the last places I could hang out with old friends every now and again even though I myself am not into LARP stopped holding social meetings.

my life outside of work was held together with string and sticky tape. And then the pandemic came along and knocked it over and it collapsed. And I’m certainly not grateful for the excuse to stay inside.

I spent a fair portion of my time in the year or two before the pandemic feeling like my friends didn’t have enough time for me. I thought the pandemic will show them what it’s like to be isolated, when I reach out to them I will finally get more reciprocation, more enthusiasm for spending time together even if it is online. Instead they all hid in their little holes and stoped talking to me. And in some cases I suspect they’re still hiding in their holes today.

I do and to be honest it doesn't feel normal and I get the feeling things won't ever really be the "same normal" again.

At school we still have the covid safety measures in places. Circle markings on the floor to keep distance. Digital temperature thing to check temperature. And my mum says people still panic buy like they used to during the heat of the pandemic. And a girl at school no longer has a birthday party because she's scared to get to close.

I feel there's a lot of pressure now and little things overwhelm me. Before covid I felt carefree but during and since everything feels crazy and it was during covid when I got suicidal but luckily I'm not now but do still get down days.

My social anxiety is high.

Struggle with work.

Struggling to deal with normal every day things like going to the shops. Been getting a lot of meltdowns.

It feels more like this is the norm now.

*Edit*

I for got to say. I'm sorry you're being effected like this and I hope things get better and return to a more normal feeling for you and your family  

Have a bright fabulous day.