teenage son is girl crazy

Hello, Just had a few thoughts in reply to your post that I hope may help. I was very similar to your son at his age. 

Firstly-  you mention that he is a happy boy. This is really important. It sounds as if the situation with girls is not making him depressed or miserable. Cling on to that, dont make him feel like he is wierd or there is something wrong with him as thats when it could lead to him becoming depressed or isolated

Second- As other people have said, being girl crazy at 16 is perfectly normal. Most boys are, autistic or otherwise. The difference with us autistic boys, (not wishing to generalise, we are all different) is that, in my experience at least, girls can sense there is something different about us and see us more as the "friend" type rather than the romanticly desirable type. This is really difficult for us as we want to have girls as friends but we also want romance and love and companionship and physical things and so we end up falling for our friends and, in so doing, ruining the friendships. You mention about him asking his friends out on dates which makes me think he has a lot of female friends, same as I did at his age. 

As for bothering girls and not knowing when to back off, I think a lot of this comes down to our inability to read social cues and read other people . When I was his age I used to marvel at how other lads instinctively seemed to know whether a girl was into them or not. I never had any idea, I just had to make wild guesses. Sometimes I would be accused of bothering a girl because I thought she was interested when she wasn't and other times I would miss out on a chance to date girls who were interested in me cos I had no idea. It is incredibly hard to read these things for us. 

Mainly, just go easy on him. Hes not abnormal, he just sounds like a nice decent lad that wants a girlfriend but doesn't have much luck getting one and, because of his autism, doesn;t know how to read signs or "chat girls up" like NT lads do. And you sound like a loving, devoted parent who just wants the best for him and worries about him. With all that you will all be ok in the long run!

Its a difficult world for teenage boys with autism, especially these days when the actions of the male species are so harshly judged in society. Just be there for him and help him along the way, thats all you can do.

Just to reassure you it will work out OK, I was in his boat as a teenager and I hardly had a girlfriend until I was in my 20s and yet now Im happily married for 7 years with 2 beautiful children. He will be ok!

Billy87 said:

girls can sense there is something different about us and see us more as the "friend" type rather than the romanticly desirable type.

That hits the nail square on the head.

I had a discussion with my therapist recently about my childhood and the ability for kids to sense who is "different" and exclude them is painfully evident. She even made a comment to the effect that psychology is only now catching up to this innate ability of children to detect the kids who are different (especially when it comes to bullies picking on autistic kids alas).

I have quite a few books on autism and noted from:

Genevieve Edmonds, Dean Worton - The Asperger Love Guide_ A Practical Guide for Adults with Asperger's Syndrome to Seeking, Establishing and Maintaining Successful Relationships. ( ISBN 1 4129 1910 X )

Flirting is an art based on all of these non-verbal behaviours. Therefore reading others’ flirting and flirting yourself may provedifficult and confusing.
Consider the following figures:
● 55% of the impression we get from someone comes through body language
● 38% is from the tone, speed and intonation (pitch) of our voice
● 7% is from what we actually say!

Since 93% of the communication comes from skills that aspies are often lacking, it is no wonder your son is struggling.

He may want to have a read at:
Grandin, Temple_Barron, Sean - Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships Decoding Social Mysteries Through the Unique Perspectives of Autism ( ISBN: 9781941765388 )

It is a bit dated in some points but the overall writing is relevant.

If your son is like me and lots of other aspies, he will try to use learned behaviour from TV/film and quote lines to try to fit in - this isn't a good way to try to convince an adolescent girl that he is mature enough to consider dating.

His sexual behaviour will probably also be informed by porn which is kind of scary if you expect girls to behave in the way they do in those videos. A frank talk is pretty important if you have not already done it - expect much cringing though.

Do you have a "cool uncle" or other adult he holds in high esteem that isn't hugely older than him? Having a "no question ignored" talk in private and occasional mentoring may help a lot - it did for me.

Failing that, tell him to get fit, keep clean and dress well and with luck 21st century equality will lead the girls to ask him out if he dials back the harrassing behaviour.

It is a challenging time, but also a fun one if he knows more about what the rules are.

I never liked porn at all. It was always lads mags for me when I was younger, although they probably wernt a great influence either 

I never liked porn at all. It was always lads mags for me when I was younger, although they probably wernt a great influence either