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What was this? (Shutdown or Meltdown?)

🐝 Bees 🐝 (they/them) Autism resources in bio #stoptheshock #NothingAboutUsWithoutUs

I was in an odd head-space earlier so I am now retrospectively aware that I info-dumped this in an unrelated thread, going off topic, but it has been bothering me being unable to identify what really happened.
In https://community.autism.org.uk/f/miscellaneous-and-chat/31785/what-were-you-like-as-a-child/292826#292826 I described it (and still would) as:

" I had a heck of a stressfull drive back home and did this weird sleep but not really sleeping collase thing not long after I got in through teh door, still feel pretty rough."
"My eyes and my head hurt a lil bit still but I just had my typical 2 hours later after it's all over belated mini cry so I'm probably on the mend now."


But what was it? Is this a combination like I suspect or is it an expression of a meltdown or shutdown I just haven't had exactly that way before?
I say this because I don't usually register shutdowns, I so frequently have the sensation like too many tabs are open and "the computer has frozen" (usually in social situations where I "short circuit") that they are pretty normal for me, and they don't last longer than a few seconds before I can become verbal again so I usually just dismiss them especially because other people also kinda just accept them as a form of "brain fart". My meltdowns on the other hand can last from a few hours to half a day. So I don't really know what a short meltdown or a longer shutdown should feel like. It feels like there was some kind of overlap with the way I got overwhelmed and the physical symptoms that came on before, during, and after being similar to a meltdown but I didn't have the pacing or screaming that I would have with a meltdown. It felt like I just turned off at the power.
Anyway, if you have any insight I'd really like to hear it.

Parents

  • Maybe because you were able to collapse and weren't in a situation where you had to carry on then it didn't lead to a meltdown? I used to believe that I had a short temper before I realised that I'm autistic. But the way I experienced a temper didn't seem to be how NT people did. The root wasn't anger. I would feel heat rising in me and if the heat reached my head I either wanted to escape or it would feel like my emotions would be uncontrollable. When I experience shutdown I get very quiet and hide myself away, and even doing basic things like washing or eating take a lot of effort. For me shutdown occurs after a long build up of stress, whereas meltdown can come after just one incident or a bad day. Interestingly I also feel better if I can cry. I hate crying in front of other people so I've learned that if I can get to a safe space and let it all out I feel much better and recover faster than if I have to hold it together. I also find walking helps me process. After about 15 minutes of walking I feel the ruminating thoughts unravelling and I get a sense of peace. It's why I prefer to walk to go somewhere too. It gives me space to process between transitioning to different situations, e.g. from home to work, or after socialising to being at home. 

  • in reply to This Person (Ottilie)

    Interesting so like it just so happened that the situation of getting home in time allowed for the build up to the melt down to derail before it got worse (even though it still felt horrible)?

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