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leolibramum

Hello. I have a wonderful son aged 11 next month. I have said since he was very little that there was something "different" in his development. Now after nearly 8 years the school have decided i was right. (Not that that makes me feel any better) he is extremely bright in some areas...ie he can work out your change before the cash register can. But in other areas ie socializing he is not very good. We have been sent to the school nurse who says if he isn't on the autistic spectrum she would be very surprised, she even mentioned aspergers. I have no clue what all this means, how they are going to diagnose it etc. Also i am struggling to deal with his outburts. He is never violent to anyone however he will slam doors, try to kick holes in walls....the list goes on. Any suggestions to help would be greatfully appreciated as anything i do seems to aggrevate the situation. 

  • leolibramum -I will ask at my group how parents address the issues with their AS kids. I have assumed it is easier when they are diagnosed at a younger age and the kids just accept it. But maybe not. I avoided talking about it to my son at first, as he would have a terrible reaction every time but obviously with appointments to attend it was not going to go away so I try to bring it up regularly now. Even more amazing, the scout group my son attends are having an autism spectrum awareness evening soon. I can't wait!

    I don't have the problem of him listening to me - he likes to pick up on mistakes and inaccuracies in what I say! When I want to start a serious conversation I do have to get his attention by any means I can. I have established that I do not always want to talk about computers...lol

    I hope you find a group soon.

  • this might sound awful but it is nice to know i am not alone. i am looking for a support group but as yet have not been able to find one...but will continue to search. in our case it was the school who initiated the diagnosis after i raised questions about him. the way i describe my son is he is just like "sheldon cooper" off big bang theory, or like a vulcan off star trek. i am unsure how to go about bringing this up with my son as he never really seems to listen to me. he picks out words and acts on the words he hears. which makes the whole situation very confusing at times and frustrating for me all the time lol.

  • Hi - I am also new and have similar problems. My son is 12. I initiated the diagnosis at the end of year 6, as the primary school did not link the various incidents and behaviours over the years. I think that my support at home was preventing more serious incidents at school.

    I have had to deal with all the outbursts and meltdowns that you mention. It seemed to get worse in the last 2 years at primary school. The children knew him so well and could wind him up for fun. He was always sad that he had no one to invite to birthday parties, despite my efforts to help him make friends.

    At secondary school the transition was hard for both of us. He has gradually settled down and sees much less of the children he had trouble with. There seem to be fewer incidents at school and therefore at home. (We have had broken doors etc.and he does attack people physically)

    Although he is hostile to the diagnosis and all that it entails, it seems to have made him more self-aware and less in denial of his bad behaviour. We can usually talk things through after he has calmed down.

    My parents have found it very hard to accept the diagnosis and often said 'he will grow out of it'. Not very supportive. I have had to be quite confrontational with them to get them to take it seriously. I haven't told all my family and friends yet. Luckily there is a very supportive local AS family support group in my area. You might wish to find such a group - I went before diagnosis and they were very welcoming.

    Good luck!

  • thank you. At the moment everything seems to be on top of me, and i feel very alone in it all. My mum told me the other day of he that much "trouble" to put him in care. I feel i have no where to turn when having an awful day. I have been looking for as much info as i can on any site i can find....but just end up more confused than ever.

  • Hi - welcome to the siteSmile.  There's lots of info about autism, diagnosis etc etc via the home page so if you haven't, then start looking there.  Also lots of info here in the posts.  He may be having outbursts at home because school is likely to be very stressful.  Many children appear to be coping but let things out when they get back home.  IMO, the best thing to do is learn about autism affects your child as an individual, so you need to learn about autism 1st then apply it to him.  Some children have sensory issues :  certain sounds/noises, tastes, textures, smells etc can cause serious distress.  As he moves up into secondary school you may find his stress increases so you should also check out the education section on the home page in general but especially around getting a statement of educational needs which would help him by providing a number of hours of support at school.  I know there's so much to try to take in so remember you're only human + you can't do it all at once.  Bite size chunks!  Also ask anything you want on here - lots of posters with lots of experience.  Good luck with everything.