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Constant need to be productive. Not letting yourself rest/stop unless seriously in crisis or ill

Ann :)
over 1 year ago

Hi, I was wondering if anyone else experiences this. I am really burnt out and struggling at the moment and I have noticed that I have this constant need to 'be productive'. It is making it very hard for me to rest and even more so as I currently cannot engage with my special interests and don't have any activities which I enjoy- this makes resting even harder as I just feel like an utter failure and hate myself when I don't do anything or when I make myself do an activity I don't enjoy for the sake of relaxing. 

It's become so bad that I have noticed that I am (subconciously?) self-sabotaging myself as I will only allow myself to rest/ do mindless/useless activities if I am feeling really unwell or ill- I have a lot of issues with digestion and food and I have the past days been so frustrated with myself that I made myself eat things that I knew would set off my IBS and make me nauseaus and unwell... which just makes me then feel more stupid and upset. 

I've noticed that I just cannot let myself 'stop' or pause unless I have something to do which I find 'worth it' and very enjoyable or if I am very ill/unwell or if there is NO need/ pressure to do anything (possibly...) but I have all these things that I need to do (but am in part just not really up to doing yet.... like writing a research proposal and sorting out yet another international move)... 

I have no idea how I can challenge this belief and stop the self-sabotage which is making me very unhappy. I wish I had a hobby I loved that I could do but sadly I don't. 

Can anyone relate to this? Any ideas on how to challenge this? 

Parents
  • over 1 year ago

    I have found that since I have been diagnosed, five weeks ago, I have been unable to enjoy my special interests. I am happy that I got diagnosed, but I feel as if I am spending more energy, trying to keep the elated-vibe going.

    l am encountering various new-entities following diagnosis, but there are large gaps between each conversation, I am trying not to engage in time-wasting. I don’t want to drop back into old behaviours. So during the day I furiously try to use only interactive entertainment, then when the night draws-around, I have to have a depressive-attack just to come back down.

    I can have a good short-term memory, but my thoughts are only as good as the last thing I read, I tend to slip back into breathless digression after a few days. Everything you are saying has had a baring on me in the last month, but I’ve fluctuated so much that, I have forgotten where I stand on my feelings.  

    Ive always had a hard time accumulating large projects, eventually I am sensing more than I have capacity to process, essentially I believe that this is the real reason why my mask is not real.
    If there was ever a case why I need a support worker, it’s that I cannot cater to more than one tier of Maslow’s-hierarchy at one time, if I am to succeed in life I need help with the daily tasks. I have a poor sense of self and if I cannot cater to my physiology, without actively thinking about it, I am doomed to constant unaccounted overload.

Reply
  • over 1 year ago

    I have found that since I have been diagnosed, five weeks ago, I have been unable to enjoy my special interests. I am happy that I got diagnosed, but I feel as if I am spending more energy, trying to keep the elated-vibe going.

    l am encountering various new-entities following diagnosis, but there are large gaps between each conversation, I am trying not to engage in time-wasting. I don’t want to drop back into old behaviours. So during the day I furiously try to use only interactive entertainment, then when the night draws-around, I have to have a depressive-attack just to come back down.

    I can have a good short-term memory, but my thoughts are only as good as the last thing I read, I tend to slip back into breathless digression after a few days. Everything you are saying has had a baring on me in the last month, but I’ve fluctuated so much that, I have forgotten where I stand on my feelings.  

    Ive always had a hard time accumulating large projects, eventually I am sensing more than I have capacity to process, essentially I believe that this is the real reason why my mask is not real.
    If there was ever a case why I need a support worker, it’s that I cannot cater to more than one tier of Maslow’s-hierarchy at one time, if I am to succeed in life I need help with the daily tasks. I have a poor sense of self and if I cannot cater to my physiology, without actively thinking about it, I am doomed to constant unaccounted overload.

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