Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I was wondering if anyone else experiences this. I am really burnt out and struggling at the moment and I have noticed that I have this constant need to 'be productive'. It is making it very hard for me to rest and even more so as I currently cannot engage with my special interests and don't have any activities which I enjoy- this makes resting even harder as I just feel like an utter failure and hate myself when I don't do anything or when I make myself do an activity I don't enjoy for the sake of relaxing.
It's become so bad that I have noticed that I am (subconciously?) self-sabotaging myself as I will only allow myself to rest/ do mindless/useless activities if I am feeling really unwell or ill- I have a lot of issues with digestion and food and I have the past days been so frustrated with myself that I made myself eat things that I knew would set off my IBS and make me nauseaus and unwell... which just makes me then feel more stupid and upset.
I've noticed that I just cannot let myself 'stop' or pause unless I have something to do which I find 'worth it' and very enjoyable or if I am very ill/unwell or if there is NO need/ pressure to do anything (possibly...) but I have all these things that I need to do (but am in part just not really up to doing yet.... like writing a research proposal and sorting out yet another international move)...
I have no idea how I can challenge this belief and stop the self-sabotage which is making me very unhappy. I wish I had a hobby I loved that I could do but sadly I don't.
Can anyone relate to this? Any ideas on how to challenge this?
Join the Club.
I have to be constantly busy. The coach journeys, today, filled me with anxiety; and I was sick on the latter route. But I relaxed on the ferry, and a man from my village was on the ferry; his son was able to bring me home, after I reclaimed my case.