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How challenging is small talk for you?

Steven

I think people might describe me as being well-mannered. Though I try to be, it's not the flattering opinion it might seem but, instead, testament to my restricted behaviour in company - I have to follow conversational conventions, and politeness is such a convention. 

If someone asks "How are you?", then I can answer briefly or (far too) extensively; both might be viewed as autistic habits. None of this means I'm at ease in conversations, as cues and subtleties don't always make their presences felt. Most importantly, I have to remind myself to ask "And how are you?" in return; not because I don't care but because *making the conversational transition is a hard, slow process for me and doesn't spring to my mind immediately*. And all the while I'm conscious that mine is a limited life, one which limits fluent and interesting conversation. 

How difficult or easy do you find small talk and general conversation?

Parents

  • Like others mentioned, I follow a script in my head. Being asked how I am is pointless. I have numerous health problems but I don't have energy to discuss them and the person just wants me to say "I'm fine, thank you. How are you?" My favourite is seeing a doctor and he/she asks how I am. Obviously I'm not well, otherwise I wouldn't be there. Perhaps asking "what's causing you problems?" would be better.

    Small talk makes me go into comedy improv. I seem to say funny things. Strangers would describe me as bubbly and friendly, which doesn't match my real self underneath the masking.

    However, I have verbal communication problems, stumbling over my words and concepts, not being able to comprehend lengthy verbal communication, forgetting what's said to me, losing the ability to focus, becoming bored, interrupting people to get my verbal contribution out. I also easily go out of synch and lose the rhythm of conversations - the other person and I speaking at the same time, especially on the phone when I can't see visual cues. I have lost so-called "friends" because I wouldn't ring them or want to talk if they rang me. I asked 2 of them to do WhatsApp or email and they eventually completely stopped contacting me.

    When I went out to meet friends I preferred meeting just one to one. The chatter of groups is too difficult and I couldn't figure out how or why I should join in the conversation. 

    At home, I can go into a monologue and go on for ages, getting annoyed if my boyfriend tries to speak. I now recognise this and try to stop myself - or at least come up for air.

Reply

  • Like others mentioned, I follow a script in my head. Being asked how I am is pointless. I have numerous health problems but I don't have energy to discuss them and the person just wants me to say "I'm fine, thank you. How are you?" My favourite is seeing a doctor and he/she asks how I am. Obviously I'm not well, otherwise I wouldn't be there. Perhaps asking "what's causing you problems?" would be better.

    Small talk makes me go into comedy improv. I seem to say funny things. Strangers would describe me as bubbly and friendly, which doesn't match my real self underneath the masking.

    However, I have verbal communication problems, stumbling over my words and concepts, not being able to comprehend lengthy verbal communication, forgetting what's said to me, losing the ability to focus, becoming bored, interrupting people to get my verbal contribution out. I also easily go out of synch and lose the rhythm of conversations - the other person and I speaking at the same time, especially on the phone when I can't see visual cues. I have lost so-called "friends" because I wouldn't ring them or want to talk if they rang me. I asked 2 of them to do WhatsApp or email and they eventually completely stopped contacting me.

    When I went out to meet friends I preferred meeting just one to one. The chatter of groups is too difficult and I couldn't figure out how or why I should join in the conversation. 

    At home, I can go into a monologue and go on for ages, getting annoyed if my boyfriend tries to speak. I now recognise this and try to stop myself - or at least come up for air.

Children