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How challenging is small talk for you?

Steven

I think people might describe me as being well-mannered. Though I try to be, it's not the flattering opinion it might seem but, instead, testament to my restricted behaviour in company - I have to follow conversational conventions, and politeness is such a convention. 

If someone asks "How are you?", then I can answer briefly or (far too) extensively; both might be viewed as autistic habits. None of this means I'm at ease in conversations, as cues and subtleties don't always make their presences felt. Most importantly, I have to remind myself to ask "And how are you?" in return; not because I don't care but because *making the conversational transition is a hard, slow process for me and doesn't spring to my mind immediately*. And all the while I'm conscious that mine is a limited life, one which limits fluent and interesting conversation. 

How difficult or easy do you find small talk and general conversation?

Parents

  • I used to like being chatted to because I enjoyed sharing my perspective, but probably due to a bit of learned helplessness following the autism spectrum diagnosis, there are a lot fewer people who I small talk comfortably with. Even those who I feel comfortable to small talk with, I frequently reel the topic back to the practical matter at hand, as practical stuff is a lot more interesting than generating irrelevant subject matters to talk about with the other person, presumably as a fun tangent to go on. I think that causes awkward pauses in my conversations due to the other person being taken aback by the sharp direction changes to bring the topic around to something I'm comfortable with. Whilst I do see the plus side in that hardly anybody talks to me now, I do kind of miss when I was more outgoing and believed in myself more. I now have little to no desire for small talk. In that sense it isn't challenging per se, it is challenging to muster the desire. And the challenge comes from beating myself up that I must come across as insular and rude. Depends how lonely and appreciative of others' company I feel, according to how much I engage in small talk. But I CBA with the 'what did you get up to on the weekend' stuff.

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  • I used to like being chatted to because I enjoyed sharing my perspective, but probably due to a bit of learned helplessness following the autism spectrum diagnosis, there are a lot fewer people who I small talk comfortably with. Even those who I feel comfortable to small talk with, I frequently reel the topic back to the practical matter at hand, as practical stuff is a lot more interesting than generating irrelevant subject matters to talk about with the other person, presumably as a fun tangent to go on. I think that causes awkward pauses in my conversations due to the other person being taken aback by the sharp direction changes to bring the topic around to something I'm comfortable with. Whilst I do see the plus side in that hardly anybody talks to me now, I do kind of miss when I was more outgoing and believed in myself more. I now have little to no desire for small talk. In that sense it isn't challenging per se, it is challenging to muster the desire. And the challenge comes from beating myself up that I must come across as insular and rude. Depends how lonely and appreciative of others' company I feel, according to how much I engage in small talk. But I CBA with the 'what did you get up to on the weekend' stuff.

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