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How challenging is small talk for you?

Steven

I think people might describe me as being well-mannered. Though I try to be, it's not the flattering opinion it might seem but, instead, testament to my restricted behaviour in company - I have to follow conversational conventions, and politeness is such a convention. 

If someone asks "How are you?", then I can answer briefly or (far too) extensively; both might be viewed as autistic habits. None of this means I'm at ease in conversations, as cues and subtleties don't always make their presences felt. Most importantly, I have to remind myself to ask "And how are you?" in return; not because I don't care but because *making the conversational transition is a hard, slow process for me and doesn't spring to my mind immediately*. And all the while I'm conscious that mine is a limited life, one which limits fluent and interesting conversation. 

How difficult or easy do you find small talk and general conversation?

Parents

  • I struggle with it. I've memorised scripts, but it's easy to get thrown if they don't say what I expect and/or I have problems processing what they say (or hearing it, if there's a lot of background noise). I've worked out at volunteering that if I just occasionally say what I'm about to do next, that basically "counts" as joining in. At work, my boss in an introvert and makes about one minute of small talk at the start of the day and that's it, which is good.

    Unlike many autistics, though, I do sort-of understand why neurotypicals like small talk. The "Aha!" moment was when I realised it's basically the same thing as grooming in primates. When NTs talk about the weather, it's equivalent to chimpanzees pulling fleas off each other, a way of showing attention and care to build social bonds, rather than being purposeful in itself.

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  • I struggle with it. I've memorised scripts, but it's easy to get thrown if they don't say what I expect and/or I have problems processing what they say (or hearing it, if there's a lot of background noise). I've worked out at volunteering that if I just occasionally say what I'm about to do next, that basically "counts" as joining in. At work, my boss in an introvert and makes about one minute of small talk at the start of the day and that's it, which is good.

    Unlike many autistics, though, I do sort-of understand why neurotypicals like small talk. The "Aha!" moment was when I realised it's basically the same thing as grooming in primates. When NTs talk about the weather, it's equivalent to chimpanzees pulling fleas off each other, a way of showing attention and care to build social bonds, rather than being purposeful in itself.

Children