• Replies 7 replies
  • Subscribers 34 subscribers
  • Views 2032 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

New to this...dealing with husband anger

NAS85106

Hi, I'm really struggling to cope with husband who has high functioning autism. He seems so angry so much. He says if I didn't upset him he wouldn't be angry. His anger can be passive or verbal abuse. I often feel like I'm cowering in a corner ready for the metaphorical booting. How do I manage this? I am brickwalling to protect myself emotionally. I am so tired. X

Parents

  • If it’s from a meltdown for example, then removing yourself from the situation as soon as you see it coming is a start. Next, he needs to find out what his triggers are, so he can take steps to reduce the meltdowns. If he is simply just angry, then he has no right to take it out on you, just because you are there. Autism is not an excuse for anger. If he has something on his mind, and he won’t talk to you, then he needs to speak to someone else, and maybe try therapy to help him realise how his behaviour is taking it’s toll on you. 

Reply

  • If it’s from a meltdown for example, then removing yourself from the situation as soon as you see it coming is a start. Next, he needs to find out what his triggers are, so he can take steps to reduce the meltdowns. If he is simply just angry, then he has no right to take it out on you, just because you are there. Autism is not an excuse for anger. If he has something on his mind, and he won’t talk to you, then he needs to speak to someone else, and maybe try therapy to help him realise how his behaviour is taking it’s toll on you. 

Children
  • in reply to Catlover

    I think we need some help long term. Maybe just getting through this crisis first.  He does gave meltdowns. He's coming to terms with who he is and that everything ge ever believed is untrue. I understand his anger but it's so hard and upsetting. We are looking at triggers but its like he needs me to fix it; saying if you don't do this I won't get angry. However,when I change what I do I still get it wrong. I joke and say 1+1=2 but only on Friday when there is a new moon. There are so many subsets to his expectations its exhausting. I need him to work on managing his stress/ anger responses to triggers. Getting help is difficult though.