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Bored and lonely and no job

tabby499

NB: I'm living at home.

Sorry this is a bit long.

I'm a graduate student (I technically graduate in a couple of weeks) living in Plymouth, Devon. I've finished my rather disappointing top up year at university from college where I felt lonely a lot. In college it was easier as the environment was more classroom-like so I could easily chat to people and generally interact. However at university the work was very solo and if I tried to chat to people in the computer rooms they'd just say I was disturbing them Frown. Also due to software incompatability (thanks Adobe) I ended up having to work from home which is a bit lonely.

I had a look at the societies there but there weren't many that suited me. I don't like the pub/nightclub/disco atmosphere at all, unpleasent and dull. I joined Camcru who seemed okay but there was only about 5 events in the whole year which was a bit rubbish and I also joined the (student) vegetarian society there (since I'm a vegetarian) which ran about once a month with meals out at vegetarian food places.

The problem though with a group environment I find is that if there is a crowd of, say, ten or more people talking simultaneously I can't make out a word. I just hear it as noise and cannot join in since I can't pick up on the threads of conversation and can only talk to whoever's nearest to me. This has also finished with the end of the university year.

Right now I'm looking for a job and a life and finding neither. I vaguely know some people here but they do not generally respond to my attempts to contact them and there's noone I can see on a regular basis. I also have no activities to participate in and the absence of anyone to do them with is somewhat dispiriting. I had a look at social clubs and societies here but I can't find anything suitable for me. I want to find, for example, I club where I can experiement with various forms of 3D art and creativity (mixed media) as opposed to painting and drawing which I'm not so keen on. I tried a club at uni in the latter but wasn't that great.

Jobs wise it feels futile as I've been looking around the job sites for a print design something something type job (see my website www.goodwinsanimations.com/) in Plymouth area to no success. It doesn't help that I only have a vague idea of what I'm after or how to keyword it. I don't want a higher up role such as managerial etc. because I'd probably be totally lost.

My friends from London suggested I look for just any shop job but I think that kind of thing would bore me to death, I'm a creative, and I'm probably overqualified with a degree and no shop experience.

I'm a bit stuck now with nothing to do every day and more importantly noone to do anything with. I see groups of people around and just feel lonely. Constantly. Help.

Parents

  • Hi Tabby,

    Firstly you're not alone. Someone got this idea that getting more people on the spectrum into university was a good idea - which it is. No-one however seems to have addressed what happens after.

    There is all this effort, not all of it good, as you've found from going to one, to facilitate the pathway for people on the spectrum, though what universities are allowed to do doesn't quite square with what is needed to help people on the spectrum need to facilitate success at university. But no-one seems to have given any thought to what happens after graduation.

    The situation for graduates is generally hard. It is becoming a bit of a myth now to claim that getting a degree will pay for itself wuith higher salaries - there are too many graduates out there earning little better, and often less than they would have got without the degree. Its the law of diminishing returns, the more people you push into universities the less cudos (and salary advantage) to go round. What we should have had in the UK is some equivalent of baccalaureate with a more practical element for the less scholarly, but we seem to be the only country in Europe without that option. So the market is now swamped with graduates.

    I've not long retired as a lecturer and spent many years trying to help undergraduates prepare for the job market. You've got to offer added value (over and above the degree). You've got to be more flexible over what you want to do. You need to be really good at applications and interviews, and make a lot of applications (twenty a week!). You need to be good at researching possible career options and routes in.

    The added value is crucial. With so many doing degrees now a degree is just the ticket to go forwards. You need to offer so much more. This is why sports involvement (team work), leadership, summer jobs, work experience, applicability of your final year project, extra skills etc are what employers look for on application forms.  Trouble is that's much harder for someone on the spectrum, who may not be able to form the sport and social connections. But people on the spectrum can offer skills special to the consequences of that condition - its just the right advice isn't out there. NAS I wish you'd tackle this more.

    Flexibility is crucial nowadays, but it is difficult if you are on the spectrum to compromise your comfort zone. This is something I wish was being addressed while at school. What can you do that's not quite so comfortable but opens new opportunities? I was fortunate I was able to flex and found myself doing things that used my ASC abilities that I'd never have thought of doing. Even with the set-backs of autism, there is a job out there for which you have an aptitude - reaching it is another matter.

    The applications and interviews thing is crucial. Many graduates expect to sail though with maybe one application a week - you'd be miraculously lucky these days - I suggested twenty above, and in some work sectors that's realistic - that's three sent off a day. Get someone to read through your applications and word process design some good CVs. Interviews are also important, but tough on people on the spectrum. You can ask for the interview questions in advance if disclosing disability, and you can sometimes have a person with you to help. It isn't fair asking people on the spectrum to compete with able candidates at what is often a really tough assessment. There's little out there to help people on the spectrum get jobs, yet this stupid coalition government seems to think we should be doing that.

    Finally researching career options. Apart from being more flexible if you can, a lot of good jobs aren't immediately obvious. You need to find oyut about different careers, which is what the careers advisory service at a university is supposed to provide, and which usually fall short of the ideal, and don't know much about autism. Haviong graduated you can go back to the university you graduated from for so many years after for careers help, and if you are not living near that university anymore, sometimes you can negotiate a swap for one more local.

Reply

  • Hi Tabby,

    Firstly you're not alone. Someone got this idea that getting more people on the spectrum into university was a good idea - which it is. No-one however seems to have addressed what happens after.

    There is all this effort, not all of it good, as you've found from going to one, to facilitate the pathway for people on the spectrum, though what universities are allowed to do doesn't quite square with what is needed to help people on the spectrum need to facilitate success at university. But no-one seems to have given any thought to what happens after graduation.

    The situation for graduates is generally hard. It is becoming a bit of a myth now to claim that getting a degree will pay for itself wuith higher salaries - there are too many graduates out there earning little better, and often less than they would have got without the degree. Its the law of diminishing returns, the more people you push into universities the less cudos (and salary advantage) to go round. What we should have had in the UK is some equivalent of baccalaureate with a more practical element for the less scholarly, but we seem to be the only country in Europe without that option. So the market is now swamped with graduates.

    I've not long retired as a lecturer and spent many years trying to help undergraduates prepare for the job market. You've got to offer added value (over and above the degree). You've got to be more flexible over what you want to do. You need to be really good at applications and interviews, and make a lot of applications (twenty a week!). You need to be good at researching possible career options and routes in.

    The added value is crucial. With so many doing degrees now a degree is just the ticket to go forwards. You need to offer so much more. This is why sports involvement (team work), leadership, summer jobs, work experience, applicability of your final year project, extra skills etc are what employers look for on application forms.  Trouble is that's much harder for someone on the spectrum, who may not be able to form the sport and social connections. But people on the spectrum can offer skills special to the consequences of that condition - its just the right advice isn't out there. NAS I wish you'd tackle this more.

    Flexibility is crucial nowadays, but it is difficult if you are on the spectrum to compromise your comfort zone. This is something I wish was being addressed while at school. What can you do that's not quite so comfortable but opens new opportunities? I was fortunate I was able to flex and found myself doing things that used my ASC abilities that I'd never have thought of doing. Even with the set-backs of autism, there is a job out there for which you have an aptitude - reaching it is another matter.

    The applications and interviews thing is crucial. Many graduates expect to sail though with maybe one application a week - you'd be miraculously lucky these days - I suggested twenty above, and in some work sectors that's realistic - that's three sent off a day. Get someone to read through your applications and word process design some good CVs. Interviews are also important, but tough on people on the spectrum. You can ask for the interview questions in advance if disclosing disability, and you can sometimes have a person with you to help. It isn't fair asking people on the spectrum to compete with able candidates at what is often a really tough assessment. There's little out there to help people on the spectrum get jobs, yet this stupid coalition government seems to think we should be doing that.

    Finally researching career options. Apart from being more flexible if you can, a lot of good jobs aren't immediately obvious. You need to find oyut about different careers, which is what the careers advisory service at a university is supposed to provide, and which usually fall short of the ideal, and don't know much about autism. Haviong graduated you can go back to the university you graduated from for so many years after for careers help, and if you are not living near that university anymore, sometimes you can negotiate a swap for one more local.

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