A Bit Of Fun

I've just worked out the actual definition of insanity. Trying to tell yourself a knock knock joke.

I'd be waiting hours for someone to ask who's there.

Who's there? 

My escape plan is on hold for the time being.

I'm trying to figure out who I am. It's not easy, and too often I consider ending things to escape to overwhelm.

Same! 

We became too good at it, I actually forgot who I am, I was massively angry with myself for not seeing that I’m autistic.

They don't know why I'm different, I'm not allowed to tell them. So I just keep trying to hide myself, be all awkward and add to the weird. It is what it is. Though my mental health isn't quite so uerstanding

Urghh. I hope they're fired, P.

I'm laughed out and left out. I can spend a day not being spoken to by one the staff. Just weird little me.

I was told that my thought processes and coping mechanisms strongly indicated autism. That's why I got assessed. Honestly,  how can you be compared to an autistic child, that's ludicrous. And we become masters of masking. It's just unfortunate the damage it does as a consequence. 

Roy said:

I was too quiet and kept my head down.

That was me too, at home and at school. My sister also took up my parents' attention (for different reasons).

Completely agree.

Im the weird one at work, I get laughed at.

It was just the, you don’t act like an autistic child, no I’m 54 and had to mask the hell out of it. My sister was quite unwell as a child and often in hospital, most of my parents time was rightly given to her, I just slipped through the net. I was too quiet and kept my head down.

Working with adults anywhere is the hard part!

What did she say?

I found out I was autistic not long after I was promoted to SENCO, that really messed with my head. I had no idea I could possibly be autistic. I just loved the bond I made with autistic children and how we communicated with each other.

Oh, that must  be difficult for you if their attitudes aren't good.

No autistic adults, besides me.

That can be an awkward one. My mother spent a lifetime teaching profoundly challenged autistic children in a special school. Masked but struggling me was a total blind spot by comparison. And the contrast is apt to make one feel less eligible to make a claim ofn being autistic… until a total breakdown or three brings one to an assessor’s door.. 

Are there any autists there?

My sister works with autistic children, guess what I was told when I told her how I really think I’m autistic at then age if 54?

My sister works with autistic children, guess what I was told when I told her how I really think I’m autistic at then age if 54?

I did, don't worry! She was also internetting at the same time!

The wife is the important conversation for you to follow here..

Of course!

It will keep the rain off me. 

Thank you Luftmentsch.

Oh, OK. I think the replies are not showing in the right place.

It is slow. Just don't give up!

Only if I get the top bunk!

It is a bit dizzying. My "It's a slow process..." was in reply to you saying it takes time to figure yourself out.

We should've stayed in the well.

It's ok. And I'm sure people would become quickly tired of me, the swings in mood and the urge to SH don't make for happy conversations. I will hide behind humour

I can't work out which comment this is replying to! My brain isn't coping well with following multiple conversations on here, plus a WhatsApp conversation with my wife, who's in New York!

It's a slow process isn't it

Always speak up. The possible alternative to doing that is unthinkable.  x

Please be kind to yourself! It takes time to figure out who you are. I'm still working on it.

I have a friend, though I do think it's unfair to burden him, and I try not too, not always successfully. 

Do you have anyone to talk to about this, P?

Xxx

Thank goodness. x

My escape plan is on hold for the time being.

I'm trying to figure out who I am. It's not easy, and too often I consider ending things to escape to overwhelm.