Newly diagnosed at 30

I haven't been told off for my expression since I was a teenager, but it used to confuse me as I didn't really know what was meant. As for tone, sometimes I can hear that what I'm trying to say comes out harsher than than I mean, so it's more understandable if other people question it too, but it is hard to control.

Hi and welcome to the group, don’t try and process everything, there is no time lumit. We are different but in a good way. You will find being alone is something a lot of autistic people require to help deal with the outside world. I’m married, own a house and have adult children, it is allowed! I luckily work on my own and get to enjoy being alone all day. I found dealing with too many people was like herding cats. I think I have said before, when autism is finally identified, you are giving an Autism instruction manual, unfortunately every page is blank.

Thanks for the reply. It's great to have you amongst us.  :)

I wonder why so many family members (generally-speaking) can't take the personal out of situations like yours? Your needing time alone isn't a reflection on them - it's about you. Why can't neurotypical people understand this? Or do they simply not want to?

You're right, it doesn't allow for it at all. I'd have gotten no where in life if I didn't push through, not saying it's easy because it really isn't but I worry now that I haven't been dealing with the aftermath of feeling the way I did in that situation. I think I have a lot to learn!

Many times, I've wanted to take a vow of silence. But life doesn't really allow for it. So I just have to veer wildly between overtalking (with internal sense of rising panic about it) and a kind of exhausted near-mutism depending on context, energy levels (or is my battery even flatter than usual), etc. 

Hello. Thank you for responding to me. I would be interested to hear more about how you and other deal with being told that. When I have been told that I've used an incorrect tone or expression, it makes me want to just stop talking completely and leave the interaction.

Your English is perfectly fine so you've got nothing to worry about, I fully understood your post. I appreciate you sharing with me!

I was in the same position as you. I was being diagnosed with depression and anxiety, I had been for years. I hope you don't mind me asking but out of interest, how did you end up getting diagnosed? Was it something you initiated or something that a doctor/specialist notice?

Hello, thank you for your response!

I have never felt understood nor have I ever felt like they ever want to understand. I have always said to them even before being diagnosed formally that spending time alone is something that they need to accept even if they don't understand why. My behaviour has actually let to a lot of upset within my family and although I apologise for it, I never feel like I should have to. In fact, I apologised just yesterday after not being spoken to by certain members of the family who had been distinctly upset that I needed to spend some time on my own last Sunday. I'm not sure exactly how I tackle this, invoking change in them is going to be pretty difficult.

yes love having alone time , i have to thats the way i get control of things , and get my head sorted out . my mums asks me why im going upstairs , or out for a walk with my dog , its like aload of rubbish in your head and you try to get it out   , if you know what i mean ,or your head gos blank , or your  starts to shake and you need to get rid of it , i kept going to the doctors about my self al i got told was it stress , or axitiety , and depression , untill i was diagonosed 2 months back im now 52 , it ticked allot of boxes for , about my understanding , why i get nervouse , why my english is rubbish , and im allwys talking about my self or what im interested in 

BeagleDad said:

after my first full week back at work, I felt like I needed to spend a day on my own just to decompress. They see this as unhealthy

Hi, welcome to the board. :) Thank you for your excellent post.

Regarding the section I've quoted...I'm just astonished at their reaction (though fellow autists won't be *surprised* by it - we're used to nonsensical attitudes being inflicted on us). Their reaction is surely either illogical - it's like telling someone who's run a marathon that they don't need to catch their breath because doing so would be bad for them - or else it's code for 'We want you to socialise with us, regardless of how your feeling'. In this, it's *them* who need to learn social niceties, not the autist: considerate, caring behaviour & attitudes regarding people with difficulties are as much a foundation of social relations as a night in the pub or dinner with the family.

Hello! I can relate to a lot of this, including being told my tone or expression is wrong and needing decompression time.

Oh I see them in your pic - lovely :-)

It's a common theme on here! Well-meaning 'should's that just don't align with our wiring very well. No easy fixes (beyond honest and full disclosure, and even then...) to that one, but at least you won't feel alone in it when you see how many here struggle with that too.

One of my ways to have alone time is to go out walking with my two boys! I have two beagles; a 4 year old and a 14 year old!

Hello Shardovan! I didn't think that at all but seeing that there was concern about not being able to reach me has actually made my day!

It's good to hear that you can relate. I find it a real struggle to get my family to leave me be so I can recuperate.

P.S. Do you have a pet beagle? Or is your name a coincidence?

Hi BeagleDad :-) So relieved you got that sorted - we were worrying that we seemed really unwelcoming!

I can relate to so much of that, especially the recuperation/alone time stuff. I think you have found your tribe, coming on here.