Let's try this again! Working in technology clearly doesn't mean I know anything about how to use it! Thank you all for noticing and helping with my mistake!
Being told that I am autistic just days before my 30th birthday last December was both relieving, anxiety-inducing and frustrating. I've always been "different" (I hate myself for using that term, suggestions of what I should use would be appreciated!). Having researched autism almost obsessively since this journey started and reading about the traits, behaviours, feelings, etc. of an autistic person leads me to ask the question how if I fit so perfectly into these criteria, how did no one notice? How did it take one astute support worker to meet me for the first time after years of being told I'm just depressed to come to that conclusion?
However, I have decided to not dwell on those question. I am doing something tonight that I have never done before, I'm reaching out to talk to similarly minded people for the first time in my life.
I work full time as a professional software implementation consultant in London. I own my own home and car. I function and interact with people but I have never been able to retain friends or maintain a relationship. I have thought about why this might be and I think I struggle with recognising how someone else is feeling; tone of voice, facial expression, sarcasm, jokes, etc.. I have always tried to pay a lot of attention to things like this because I have been known to upset people because I am looking at someone in a "funny" way or I've said something in a "rude or negative tone" but I don't realise that these things are happening. I find myself trying very hard to think about facial expression and tone of voice, it's tiring with one-to-one conversation but in large groups it is very difficult to maintain. Can anyone else relate? If so, how do you deal with it?
My other issue is my family try to force me to be social but sometimes, like last weekend after my first full week back at work, I felt like I needed to spend a day on my own just to decompress. They see this as unhealthy but I try to explain that it is necessary otherwise I will struggle to focus on anything. Can anyone else relate to needing to spend time alone? If so, how do you deal with it?
Thank you for reading this, if you've got this far. I very much look forward to speaking with you!