Deleted User

I’m a new user, so they come and go I guess. I’m so used to using Twitter and Facebook, it takes a bit of getting used to following a forum. I’ve only really ever joined one forum before and that was years before social media, as it is now, emerged as a thing. It’s nice to get to know everyone here though and to know we all have one crucial thing in common. Not always easy to find time for it but I’ll try not to be a stranger and not to become a Deleted User.

I must admit that I consider there to be something comforting about seeing the names of long-term members regularly popping up in the forum, even if they may be people that I don't engage with often. I can understand your sadness when you stumble across old posts featuring lovely exchanges you enjoyed with former members.

I totally understand this. It is so sad to see a user decided to leave and always sad when I messaged them too.

Sometimes I guess they move on with their lives or maybe they leave because of upset here but I hope a lot of them will come back again as this really is a lovely community. Great atmosphere here and lots of lovely people, you included in that :) 

I strongly identify with this. Not that anyone should ever feel obligated to stay, but I like to see people stick around, and I miss them when they go dormant or - as you say - retrospectively anonomise themselves into ghosts as they take their sudden leave without warning. Always comforting so see the core constituency of long-termers stay the course at least.

I really hope I am not one of those people Robert..

I know that sharing my mind can be toxic so some people, even when I do it with the best of intentions. I've found it personally very helpful to study those who I find objectionable, over time.

Sometimes I find that my own strong aversion to certain types, can become overwhelming, if I let it, but as I point out in my "forum survival guide" post, taking a break if you feel strong emotion to some letters on your computer monitor is exactly the sane and beneficial thing to do.

An analogy that you may find helpful is comparing the information superhighway to the open road when seen as a driver. You come across people who's driving behaviour is so insane, and careless that it enrages you. Then one day, whilst over worked or distracted or simply due to a miscalculation despite being an "Ace Driver" you pull out in front of someone on an island, and an accident is only avoided by their quick reactions (he was so "on the ball" he even found time to lean on his horn button!) My point is, that often people who are behaving in ways that I find totally objectionable, may be doing it by accident, and the offence inflicted and felt by was really not intended as malevolently or carelessly as it appears.

This is a huge learning experience both good and bad, and I'd just say, keep the good, and let the 5hi7 pass by you.

But don't quit.  I've read your posts and you do have a mind of your own. Why keep it to yourself. The key really is to be kind and gentle with the idiots (as you perceive them)

If you have a "punchy" side, and would like to engage in strong argument either to let off steam or actually hone your skills at fighting back when faced with "bullying by words" there are "fight clubs" around the internet where it is internally acceptable to do that, (greater society labels them "cesspools of hatred", but then it currently applies the "hate" label to an awful lot of things...) and this forum is thankfully not such a place, and effort to make it so is quickly shut down.

But some posts are still very objectionable. Most are not however, and some of you are absolutely lovely people who based on what you write, I dearly wish I could take home with me... (Yeah I'm sure we'd regret it "stat"! but it's the thought that counts, some people say.

I understand how these 'deleted user"s' feel.

I often want to leave this site because of what others do or say.  Even today I was upset because one of our moderators altered one of my posts.

We all have our inner Demons. 

Some can't cope with them as well as others.

Our life became one huge battlefield. And it began in the Schools.