Published on 12, July, 2020
I was just talking to this lovely nurse and was explaining that going outside makes me anxious because of the people and unfamiliar surroundings and she asked me what I like most about my home and what makes it safe for me. And I thought that would be interesting to ask here as well, if you're comfortable to say of course :)
I like a lot of things about my home. All my favourite possessions are there. It's peaceful and I know I'm always comfortable and happy there. And probably the best thing is it's in the countryside.
Not a lot I know but they are big things for me.
Hi, The thing I love most about my home is that, it’s for sale. This isn’t a negative statement. We have lived in the same village for 22 years and mostly enjoyed it. My wife and I were born 4 miles from where I live.
we have decided to move to Cornwall and start a new chapter in our lives. I’ve been struggling to live in a neurotypical world for 55 years and now I know why I struggle it has made our minds up. We have found a house with outbuildings and 2 acres of woodland. It is about a two mile walk from the coast and has no neighbours within about 1/2 mile. Our plan is to convert two outbuildings into ’lets’ for autistic people a sort of autistic retreat, very quiet and obviously very autistic friendly if that makes sense. An ideal place for people in burnout. A place where people can recharge. My wife is going to carry on as a district nurse and I’m going to concentrate on our project. That’s what is going to make me happy in my new home.
That sounds like an amazing plan and I hope it all goes well. Moving and all the change it entails is scary, at least for me anyway. Reading this discussion has made me realise how much I need to move. When I thought of replying only negative things came to mind.
I live in a village but I am surrounded by houses and it is so much noisier than it used to be. More families have moved in with noisy children, who run around screaming and shouting all the time. More people seem to be getting those yappy dogs, that make my life a misery with their incessant barking every time I step outside. My neighbours seem to have some sort of obsession with DIY and building work and there is always some kind of hammering and drilling going on. Why do builders have to leave their radio blaring at full volume the whole time. Even the local pub has become much noisier since new owners took over.
I would love to get away somewhere quiet and the autistic retreats you are setting up sounds like just the kind of thing I would like to stay in.
Living somewhere like you have found, with no neighbours within 1/2 mile, sounds like my perfect dream. Sadly I think it is unattainable for me financially and the best I can hope for is quieter neighbours than where I am now.
Thank you for your reply, we at the moment have similar lives, I live in a close of bungalows that originally had older people living in them. As they have been dying, younger families have moved in. I don’t want to go for a bbq or drinks and nibbles, I can’t cope in that environment. My neighbour asked in April if he could remove my fence and replace it as he wanted to build a carport and get access to the side of it. I was told it would be replaced within 2 weeks. It’s October soon and still no fence or privacy. They have bought a yappy dog which yaps at me when I go outside. He has removed all the internal walls in his house and although he doesn’t work, he starts work at about 5pm on his house with power tools. All this is going on with me trying to sell at the same time. I live in the Chiltern Hills which is lovely but I just need space and less people. I’m hoping that our project occasionally allows me to be with people who are like us. I know I’ve got to move as I have too many dark thoughts at the moment.
Scary how dependent we are on neighbours for peace of mind. I had a nightmare situation in my old flat, with the person below (who, ironically, used his own more noticeable autism - I was still some years away from my own diagnosis- as an excuse for some very trying episodes) regularly blasting music and flims at ungodly hours, or even during the day. And shouting, and slamming cupboards and doors regularly. I appreciate he needed to let off steam (an extreme stim I suppose) with some of that, but everything taken together was too much. 17 years into my 13 years there, I finally exploded at him after many more diplomatic attempts to get him to modify behaviour. Especiially the most outrageous one - hammering on my door if I took a day off work to demand to know why my routine was not as normal. He did change his ways considerably enough after my meltdown (buying earphones like I told him to for instance!) to make the last few years there much better. I was then able to sell the place on with a clear conscience about the way more mellowed behaviour that the new resident would be getting. Imagine my disappointment when she got in touch a couple of months in to say he was behaving in all those old ways again, and had I been aware of it? In other words, he'd completely re-set to 'push my luck' mode as soon as I left. It's not my fault, and I couldn't have foreseen it, but it felt weird to be being haunted even after the escape by his escapades.
My neighbour seems to drink alcohol and sleep most of the day and then starts DIY in the evening. I’m not having a pop at religion but he is a Jehovas witness and supposedly doesn’t drink and has preached to me about alcohol, his bottle bin gets put out in the dark and is normally full! More people are about in the daytime. The village has just had fibre optic installed so it’s a good selling point for me but more people working from home. It took someone outside of my bubble to actually tell me to move. Moving is stressful but I think it’s worth it for the long term gain. If you don’t make the jump then you will never know.