Visiting friends is a nightmare

Hi

I just want to say you are not alone.  I am a mum of a nearly 7 year old son with ASD.  It is a complete nightmare going places at times especialy as other mums want to do what they want to do and do not realise that if you take our sons focal topic of interest away then this would ultimately create a trigger situation and a breakdown in behaviour.  Looking at this two ways, our sons have to learn to play, yet they are still so young to be able to figure things out for themselves due to their lack of maturity and social awareness skills so this is hard for them to do and may set up a negative mindset if not controlled in some way however this is also a learning experience and real life for them where they will need to be able to think independently and not be sheltered by us.  I find this is all a balance we have to continually juggle.  Some of my friends I have let go as as soon as they found out about my son they actively went out of their way to avoid us.  Others have been sympathetic, others totally pathetic.  Those that have actually wanted to know more about Aspergers have asked questions.  Others have struggled due to them not wanting to appear ignorant.  I have now reached a balance between my son playing with friends - though usually at our house, as he prefers to stay at home where it is familiar with taking him out to specific SEN friendly youth clubs and play sessions, which also have other kids relatives involved.  This way I have found he has a good general experience in social skills in both supporting and non supporting environments and I am also relaxed as I know the people who deal with him are trained and can handle him if he becomes angry or frustrated. Have you contacted NAS to see where in your area there are sessions like this?  At first I thought to be frank - oh no I don't want my child socialising with people who are the same as him and am now very ashamed to have even thought this as this is totally wrong.  However I find the parents of other children with ASD are far more accepting, understanding and nicer people than the general what I call "rat race" parents in many respects.  They have a broader outlook on life and lack the material value they place on things and of the constant my child has reached this book level attitude.  All I and am sure you want is for our sons to grow up happy and healthy and be a good useful contributing member of society.  This journey we are on certainly reshapes our values, or friendships, our relationships, our life direction and us as people.  Every day is a new day.  Trust your own intuition with what you feel you need to do for your son and your family as a whole and make the changes necessary. Take care.

Hi

I just want to say you are not alone.  I am a mum of a nearly 7 year old son with ASD.  It is a complete nightmare going places at times especialy as other mums want to do what they want to do and do not realise that if you take our sons focal topic of interest away then this would ultimately create a trigger situation and a breakdown in behaviour.  Looking at this two ways, our sons have to learn to play, yet they are still so young to be able to figure things out for themselves due to their lack of maturity and social awareness skills so this is hard for them to do and may set up a negative mindset if not controlled in some way however this is also a learning experience and real life for them where they will need to be able to think independently and not be sheltered by us.  I find this is all a balance we have to continually juggle.  Some of my friends I have let go as as soon as they found out about my son they actively went out of their way to avoid us.  Others have been sympathetic, others totally pathetic.  Those that have actually wanted to know more about Aspergers have asked questions.  Others have struggled due to them not wanting to appear ignorant.  I have now reached a balance between my son playing with friends - though usually at our house, as he prefers to stay at home where it is familiar with taking him out to specific SEN friendly youth clubs and play sessions, which also have other kids relatives involved.  This way I have found he has a good general experience in social skills in both supporting and non supporting environments and I am also relaxed as I know the people who deal with him are trained and can handle him if he becomes angry or frustrated. Have you contacted NAS to see where in your area there are sessions like this?  At first I thought to be frank - oh no I don't want my child socialising with people who are the same as him and am now very ashamed to have even thought this as this is totally wrong.  However I find the parents of other children with ASD are far more accepting, understanding and nicer people than the general what I call "rat race" parents in many respects.  They have a broader outlook on life and lack the material value they place on things and of the constant my child has reached this book level attitude.  All I and am sure you want is for our sons to grow up happy and healthy and be a good useful contributing member of society.  This journey we are on certainly reshapes our values, or friendships, our relationships, our life direction and us as people.  Every day is a new day.  Trust your own intuition with what you feel you need to do for your son and your family as a whole and make the changes necessary. Take care.