Visiting friends is a nightmare

My six-year-old son was diagnosed as on the spectrum last year. Recently his general behaviour has got worse and worse. I'm doing my best but have had old ladies tutting at us in the street and other parents at school (who aren't aware of the issues) looking at me as though I'm the worst parent and he's the worst child in the world. Even friends say the right things but then treat my son as though he is just naughty, making me feel frustrated, angry and upset. Just today I took my son and his two younger brothers to one of his school friends house (teacher training day) and I came away wanting to cry. He gets very angry if he can't do exactly what he wants to do - in this case, play lego. which had been put away before our visit - and will share his frustrations with anyone. He kept telling his friend's mum - who is also supposed to be my friend and is aware he is on the spectrum - that all their toys were boring and girly etc etc. She kept telling me she didn't mind but her tone with him was far from friendly. This is just one of many incidents and now just feel like socialising like this is just too stressful and upsetting for all of us. It certainly isn't the fun time that you'd like it to be. Has anyone else felt like this and has anyone got any suggestions please?

 

Parents
  • Hi KBob

    I toally agree with you that taking your child to other kids houses is so difficult.  Do you have a centre like I do such as Daisy Chain that you can regularly take your child to?  I also attend a SEN youth club with him which has a climbing wall and all sorts of distractions including their own lego!  My son has a focal interest on LEGO - the new LEGO City undercover is a great game which I have found reduces the explosiveness of his temper when he gets frustrated.  If the child he plays with has a Wiiu or a Wii then perhaps you could take this along with you so that he can play it whilst the others are playing.  The difficulty is I think mainly others misunderstanding of play and triggers.  I have given literature to my friends so that they can read it before I bring my child along just to develop their knowledge so that they can have coping mechanisms as I know even a relative of mine who is totally competent and has kids of her own was one day overwhelmed with my sons outburst and did not really know how to handle him.  Also I find at times I can be quite sensitive to my sons needs depending on his experiences that week so may take things personally such as a look or a supposed friends little off the cuff comments.  It is all a learning experience and you have to just get through the best way you can but also know other mums are going through the same thing and you are not alone.  Take care. 

     

Reply
  • Hi KBob

    I toally agree with you that taking your child to other kids houses is so difficult.  Do you have a centre like I do such as Daisy Chain that you can regularly take your child to?  I also attend a SEN youth club with him which has a climbing wall and all sorts of distractions including their own lego!  My son has a focal interest on LEGO - the new LEGO City undercover is a great game which I have found reduces the explosiveness of his temper when he gets frustrated.  If the child he plays with has a Wiiu or a Wii then perhaps you could take this along with you so that he can play it whilst the others are playing.  The difficulty is I think mainly others misunderstanding of play and triggers.  I have given literature to my friends so that they can read it before I bring my child along just to develop their knowledge so that they can have coping mechanisms as I know even a relative of mine who is totally competent and has kids of her own was one day overwhelmed with my sons outburst and did not really know how to handle him.  Also I find at times I can be quite sensitive to my sons needs depending on his experiences that week so may take things personally such as a look or a supposed friends little off the cuff comments.  It is all a learning experience and you have to just get through the best way you can but also know other mums are going through the same thing and you are not alone.  Take care. 

     

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