Visiting friends is a nightmare

My six-year-old son was diagnosed as on the spectrum last year. Recently his general behaviour has got worse and worse. I'm doing my best but have had old ladies tutting at us in the street and other parents at school (who aren't aware of the issues) looking at me as though I'm the worst parent and he's the worst child in the world. Even friends say the right things but then treat my son as though he is just naughty, making me feel frustrated, angry and upset. Just today I took my son and his two younger brothers to one of his school friends house (teacher training day) and I came away wanting to cry. He gets very angry if he can't do exactly what he wants to do - in this case, play lego. which had been put away before our visit - and will share his frustrations with anyone. He kept telling his friend's mum - who is also supposed to be my friend and is aware he is on the spectrum - that all their toys were boring and girly etc etc. She kept telling me she didn't mind but her tone with him was far from friendly. This is just one of many incidents and now just feel like socialising like this is just too stressful and upsetting for all of us. It certainly isn't the fun time that you'd like it to be. Has anyone else felt like this and has anyone got any suggestions please?

 

Parents
  • Hi - yes, I think we've all felt like that at times.  Basically some friends don't understand.  They may be well-meaning but when the situation actually arises they don't get it +  react accordingly.  This can be very hurtful + difficult to reconcile.  It changes things between you + not for the better. Perhaps you could talk again to your friend + mention things he really likes playing with when he's at her house.   You could say life wd be easier for all concerned if she could leave the lego or whatever out??  Also if your son needs time to chill when he's at her's, is there a room he can use for a little while?  Would she be willing to be more accommodating?  Sorry for all the questions but if you think she's not going to bother, is it worth continuing things?  Friendships are so important that it's worth exploring ways + means of keeping them.  I think you'll know her well enough to gauge whether she'll go that extra mile for you + your son.  Hope things work out.

    PS, as has been mentioned previously, do you know why he's getting upset?  It's certainly worth getting to the bottom of.

Reply
  • Hi - yes, I think we've all felt like that at times.  Basically some friends don't understand.  They may be well-meaning but when the situation actually arises they don't get it +  react accordingly.  This can be very hurtful + difficult to reconcile.  It changes things between you + not for the better. Perhaps you could talk again to your friend + mention things he really likes playing with when he's at her house.   You could say life wd be easier for all concerned if she could leave the lego or whatever out??  Also if your son needs time to chill when he's at her's, is there a room he can use for a little while?  Would she be willing to be more accommodating?  Sorry for all the questions but if you think she's not going to bother, is it worth continuing things?  Friendships are so important that it's worth exploring ways + means of keeping them.  I think you'll know her well enough to gauge whether she'll go that extra mile for you + your son.  Hope things work out.

    PS, as has been mentioned previously, do you know why he's getting upset?  It's certainly worth getting to the bottom of.

Children
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