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Visiting friends is a nightmare

kbob

My six-year-old son was diagnosed as on the spectrum last year. Recently his general behaviour has got worse and worse. I'm doing my best but have had old ladies tutting at us in the street and other parents at school (who aren't aware of the issues) looking at me as though I'm the worst parent and he's the worst child in the world. Even friends say the right things but then treat my son as though he is just naughty, making me feel frustrated, angry and upset. Just today I took my son and his two younger brothers to one of his school friends house (teacher training day) and I came away wanting to cry. He gets very angry if he can't do exactly what he wants to do - in this case, play lego. which had been put away before our visit - and will share his frustrations with anyone. He kept telling his friend's mum - who is also supposed to be my friend and is aware he is on the spectrum - that all their toys were boring and girly etc etc. She kept telling me she didn't mind but her tone with him was far from friendly. This is just one of many incidents and now just feel like socialising like this is just too stressful and upsetting for all of us. It certainly isn't the fun time that you'd like it to be. Has anyone else felt like this and has anyone got any suggestions please?

 

Parents

  • Hi I can relate completely to this, we have friends who we visit for long weekends but have avoided since last year as it just made me mad at them and upset me. At the time we didnt know what it was all about but after the last visit i started making phonecalls and speaking to professionals, a year down the line and my sons going for an ADOS assessment in 6 months.

    My son has difficulty reading situations so they would find him funny for a short while but then you could see it in their faces that he was annoying them, he lost it with their 2 year old (he was 5) as she wiped off his 'technical' drawing on the chalkboard. He doesnt hit he just screams and cries, their response was to tell him shes only a baby and its her house, they were just off with him and keeping him at arms length which hurts. My son also tripped up their child (by accident as hes so clumsy) and they went mad, he got really upset and whilst i was sorry you would have thought she'd broke her leg.   I understand why they are reacting like this but he's my son and he can't help it. 

    We havent been since, we are planning to meet them in the summer but on neutral territory and in our own acomodation so we can manage him. The sad thing is he always talks about them and wants to visit, he just wants to be their friends.  We'll see how this goes, otherwise i'll be meeting my friend children and husband free to avoid falling out. Unfortunately without living it they wont understand, i never did before i realized my son is special

    Maybe theres groups in your area where you can mix and relax without the fear of it going wrong and keep your friendships to 'you' time?

    xx

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  • Hi I can relate completely to this, we have friends who we visit for long weekends but have avoided since last year as it just made me mad at them and upset me. At the time we didnt know what it was all about but after the last visit i started making phonecalls and speaking to professionals, a year down the line and my sons going for an ADOS assessment in 6 months.

    My son has difficulty reading situations so they would find him funny for a short while but then you could see it in their faces that he was annoying them, he lost it with their 2 year old (he was 5) as she wiped off his 'technical' drawing on the chalkboard. He doesnt hit he just screams and cries, their response was to tell him shes only a baby and its her house, they were just off with him and keeping him at arms length which hurts. My son also tripped up their child (by accident as hes so clumsy) and they went mad, he got really upset and whilst i was sorry you would have thought she'd broke her leg.   I understand why they are reacting like this but he's my son and he can't help it. 

    We havent been since, we are planning to meet them in the summer but on neutral territory and in our own acomodation so we can manage him. The sad thing is he always talks about them and wants to visit, he just wants to be their friends.  We'll see how this goes, otherwise i'll be meeting my friend children and husband free to avoid falling out. Unfortunately without living it they wont understand, i never did before i realized my son is special

    Maybe theres groups in your area where you can mix and relax without the fear of it going wrong and keep your friendships to 'you' time?

    xx

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