Feeling more isolated as you grow older.

It's an SSRI called Fluoxetine (liquid form called Prozec as I don't get on with tablets).

Im a sound engineer, but I work in a college. I enjoy what I do, although I'm not keen on the environment. I tend to do live sound reinforcement which after a while isnt that challenging. I don't do that much studio stuff. I should learn to play, but I find playing an instrument feels mechanical and I struggle with timing. I would like to express my own thoughts and feelings creatively rather than help others express theres

I think learning anything creative or otherwise is good for morale in the short to mid term. I read a lot of books but it's unfocussed and non specific. I feel comfortable in the confines of education, as I know what I need to achiece specifically. 

If money was not an issue I'd try and do a MA/MSc then a PhD just for personal interest. I like the intensity of focus. Although it would be nice if somewhere along the way I could make money. I've been surviving on less than 9k a year for six years.

Muckworm said:

It would, however, in some ways be interesting to see if a dr thought I was depressed. Probably not but I would be intrigued on an intellctual platform to see what the professionals come up with.

The NHS in my area (and probably in general) has two responses to depression or suspected depression - CBT or an anti-depressants. The anti-depresants are given on the assumption that a seretonin issue is the cause and not anything else such as dopamine or circumstancial factors. In my experience the CBT is aimed at NT ways of thinking and proved pointless and frustrating.

I think you guys are great by the way!

I'm with you on that - this forum provides an important (major) part of my social interaction.

I went to the GP's and they give me some anti-depressants, so I'll see how it goes. It has given me a raging sex drive so far, and that is fine by me

Citalopram? The first few days I felt quite euphoric which I didn't expect. Often SSRI's in general can cause a reduced sex drive.

I also think I could do with a sense of purpose or something achievable to aim towards. Even developing a creative skill might help, but im rubish with creativity. I really lack intellectual stimulation at the moment. One of the reasons I like education is the stimulation and the structure.

you are a sound engineer? thats pretty creative. But I think I know what you mean about developing a creative skil. It improves confidence and beleif in oneself.  I wish I had a skill that would provide an income and make myself feel more valid.

Cheers for the comments, opinions and insight.

I went to the GP's and they give me some anti-depressants, so I'll see how it goes. It has given me a raging sex drive so far, and that is fine by me

The thing I find isolating/frustrating is employment. I think in some ways I'd be much better not having to bother with people, certainly many anxietys would go. But the problem with having string interest are it cost money. Working part time is rubbish financially. I'm rubish in the workplace and with the world being based around capitalism I'm just buggered. 

I also think I could do with a sense of purpose or something achievable to aim towards. Even developing a creative skill might help, but im rubish with creativity. I really lack intellectual stimulation at the moment. One of the reasons I like education is the stimulation and the structure.

Not being able to get beyond problems or have any level of security in my life is what is making me feel terrible. 

Reading everyone's comments it seems as tho a sense of isolation seems to increase with age. I'm not sure if I'm isolated or adrift (rubish with identifying emotions). 

Hi Guys and thanks for your comments.

I am grateful for this forum as a place I can share stuff with like minded people and it has proved to be a good support at times. Even just down to knowing I'm not always imagining things and that I share issues with some of you - makes me feel ok.

I have never been diagnosed with any form of depression nor would I seek to be. I am not depressed. I am, at times, fed up and tired (more so with aging) of how society, authority and others view me, treat me, ignore me etc etc and there have been times I have considered that there are worse things than dying - it's actually a logical process for me.

At the moment I feel ok about life and have had some recent positive experiences of being autistic but it may not always be that way.

It would, however, in some ways be interesting to see if a dr thought I was depressed. Probably not but I would be intrigued on an intellctual platform to see what the professionals come up with.

I think you guys are great by the way!

In a way I feel more isolated but in some ways no. I am 40 and have a partner which makes all the difference. It is provides just enough of the social. It has been alot of work though and I don't know if I would be able to do it again. Over the years we have developed a language between ourselves that just about works.

With reagrd to other friends, I have know people and kept in touch with one high school friend. I havn't made new friends for many years. I know faces and people through my partner and also have a few contacts on FB.

The things is though I have gone through life and really not much has changed, i have put on an act and socially bumbled along but not really been able to connect or just relax with people.

The whole thing is complicated by the fact that I really like being on my own, independent and therefore isolated.

• Do I want to meet new people? - no it is unpleasant, difficult and I'd rather be doing something else.
• Would it be good for me to have a good frienship network with people I felt relaxed with? yes, probably.

Muckworm said:

I have planes to hopefully move and make a fresh start but I know I will always be alone, it becomes a way of life for the autistic I think.

You may or may not always be alone. You have support on this forum for a start.

Goatworshipper - it does get worse with age as I am finding out, and I think that is in part due to loss of confidence because as things go wrong, I become more introverted and shy. Also I think my autism is worsening with age and my routines are becoming more cast iron.

I can relat to that. I have tried, put on a front, tried again, fooled myself and others but it all wears a bit thin and I don't have it in me to keep on doing the same. Routines however are n ot such a bad thing - depending on the content. For me they are reassurance and focus that actually make me operate better. Over the years I have developed what works for me - I am still working on it.

And yes, there are days I do consider ending it, I think we all do, but as yet I haven't.

I can relate to this too. Are you diagnosed with depression? For me I think it is maybe my circumstances that make it worse.

Social ineractions become less through bad experiences and motivation. In turn lack of experience and practise means reduced social skills.

I was really drunk when I posted this last night. Although I still feel the same. I got shafted with a job interview, but it basically just reinforced what I already think and feel.

Another candidate got the job by having a research interest close to the university's. Although the job didn't require any research interest, I wasnt asked about research interest. I was asked how I would support research students. I was told that was the deciding factor between me and another candidate. Everything went really well with the interview and presentation. I think it was an inside job, ex student or internal candidate.

Sorry to moan on. 

I'll explain in more depth later. 

Lets not make autism a sad life, find a garden and nature will be your friend.

In a word - YES.

I know as I get older (I am early 40's now) I will be increasingly isolated. I have no friends despite trying to make them and trying out clubs of things that interest me - it never somehow works out and I'm always left out.

The only person I have is my Mum and she is getting on now and will soon be unable to support me - at that point I know that's it for me.

I have planes to hopefully move and make a fresh start but I know I will always be alone, it becomes a way of life for the autistic I think. No one ever gives me enough time to get to know me because I'm quite hard to be with I think. I just need time because once you get to know me, you might like what you see, I don't know.

I'm also quite unwell now and facing long term chronic illness on top of autism and although the hospital have been very uunderstanding, I know I will have to deal with this alone.

Goatworshipper - it does get worse with age as I am finding out, and I think that is in part due to loss of confidence because as things go wrong, I become more introverted and shy. Also I think my autism is worsening with age and my routines are becoming more cast iron.

I've given up on society, on people because they don't want someone like me. And it is hard doing everything on your own but I guess I'm kinda used to it now. Don't much like it though.

And yes, there are days I do consider ending it, I think we all do, but as yet I haven't.

I can relate too your post and background, if you find answer let us know, however I think your needed a moan is half the answer, the answer to thought, is thought looking for rest. Let it out and rest your thoughts "AS REST".

so apart from all that ! you are fine

Sorry for the joke, just needed a laugh