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Losing at a game.

NAS80182

How can I help my grandson he has Adhd, autism, SPD and may have Odd and if he loses at a game he has a major breakdown. He plays for a Sunday football team and when he loses he kicks off(not all the time) this can be very severe. It can include him swearing at his manager or other players, hitting the ground, screaming, shouting and just generally ignore adult interventions. We have tried everything we can to help him but nothing is working. He is an excellent footballer with real passion for the game. At the minute his manage will only let him train due to his really bad behaviour at a tournament where he lost to another team from his actual club. Please help we are out of ideas. 

Parents

  • Social stories might help. Another approach would be something based on cognitive behavioural therapy. He has an irrational belief "I  must always win " and probably imagines all sorts of dire consequences if he loses. Is there a professional who could help, e.g. the SENCO at school, a CAMHS worker, social worker etc.? You will proably not be able to get through to him when he is highly stressed - give him time to wind down, then talk it through calmly. I am guessing that what you are seeing is just one example of his inability to handle frustration. What is he like in school where he gets a bad mark on a test, for example?

    It is good to have high aspirations, but we also need to forgive ourself when, despite our best efforts, things do not work out so well. Team sports tend to emphasise on playing to win ... you need to help him to accept that he has tried his best, and that's what counts. Logically only one team can win - maybe today is not your turn. You tried your best - that's good enough. This is what I was saying about social stories.

Reply

  • Social stories might help. Another approach would be something based on cognitive behavioural therapy. He has an irrational belief "I  must always win " and probably imagines all sorts of dire consequences if he loses. Is there a professional who could help, e.g. the SENCO at school, a CAMHS worker, social worker etc.? You will proably not be able to get through to him when he is highly stressed - give him time to wind down, then talk it through calmly. I am guessing that what you are seeing is just one example of his inability to handle frustration. What is he like in school where he gets a bad mark on a test, for example?

    It is good to have high aspirations, but we also need to forgive ourself when, despite our best efforts, things do not work out so well. Team sports tend to emphasise on playing to win ... you need to help him to accept that he has tried his best, and that's what counts. Logically only one team can win - maybe today is not your turn. You tried your best - that's good enough. This is what I was saying about social stories.

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