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Losing at a game.

NAS80182

How can I help my grandson he has Adhd, autism, SPD and may have Odd and if he loses at a game he has a major breakdown. He plays for a Sunday football team and when he loses he kicks off(not all the time) this can be very severe. It can include him swearing at his manager or other players, hitting the ground, screaming, shouting and just generally ignore adult interventions. We have tried everything we can to help him but nothing is working. He is an excellent footballer with real passion for the game. At the minute his manage will only let him train due to his really bad behaviour at a tournament where he lost to another team from his actual club. Please help we are out of ideas. 

Parents

  • We can't stand not getting our way, my brother and I were like that with our games consoles. Also, I couldn't bear the thought of my favourite Football Teams losing. Which is why I don't bet, anymore. My heat ALWAYS overrules my head. 

    It's probably a sensory overload, and the thought of being 'Not Good Enough'. The only cure is to practice acceptance of things we can't change. 

Reply

  • We can't stand not getting our way, my brother and I were like that with our games consoles. Also, I couldn't bear the thought of my favourite Football Teams losing. Which is why I don't bet, anymore. My heat ALWAYS overrules my head. 

    It's probably a sensory overload, and the thought of being 'Not Good Enough'. The only cure is to practice acceptance of things we can't change. 

Children
  • in reply to Desmond79

    I’ve always been the exact opposite: not competitive at all. I like personal targets for myself, but really don’t mind losing games or having a poor Wordle score compared to friends etc. I do the best I can though, as what would be the point of doing otherwise? I’ve never supported a team and at school never wanted to play football or anything. When forced to, I’d be picked last for a team, or rather one team got me as the leftover dregs and I could feel their despair over it. My presence impacting on their chances. They wanted to win so much. I couldn’t bring myself to care, try as I might, but again I did my best (which was awful). 

    I suppose if autism often makes us ‘too much’ or ‘too little’ (in NT terms) of certain things, it looks like we got opposite sides of that particular spectrum, Desmond79.

    Many things can phase and trouble me very easily, but feeling a need for victory or a team to pin my hopes on isn’t one of them. It always feels like just so much ‘goings on’. Harmless but inconsequential.