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Feeling like a failure

Kate Kestrel

I’ve had a difficult few months and recently I’ve felt like such a failure. I’ve been thinking about my life and all the struggles I’ve had just to cope with normal life - stuff that so many other people seem to breeze through and cope really well with - and I’ve just had this awful overwhelming feeling today of feeling like such a failure. I know now that much of my struggle with day to day life is due to me being autistic (and also my childhood with parents who were very flawed and emotionally distant) and most of the time I try to be positive. But these last couple of weeks I’ve found myself experiencing a lot of self hatred and feeling like such a failure.

I realise this sounds like self pity - and maybe it is! I don’t want to be thinking like this and I know it’s self destructive. 
But how do other autistic people come to terms with the fact that they’ve spent their lives struggling so much with day to day life, and living with a lot of anxiety etc? When I was younger I think I felt better about myself - I enjoyed being different and unique. But now I find myself looking at other people who have had more conventionally ‘successful’ lives and friendships and feeling like a failure in comparison. I think being autistic has made life very difficult for me. 

How do other people come to terms with being accepting of these sorts of thoughts and feelings? And how do you keep positive about the way being autistic has impacted on your ability to really engage with life and achieve things? 

I want to be more positive but am struggling today. Does anyone else sometimes feel this way? And how do you deal with it? 

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  • I think many of us have felt this way; I know I often feel like a complete failure when it comes to my ability to socialise and form meaningful friendships. It does get me down at times when other people seem to find it SO easy. I am very hard on myself for my shortcomings, my own worst critic. 

    However, I think it is helpful to give ourselves credit for the things we DO achieve, however small. Getting through each day could be seen as a success, despite all the challenges we face.

    I don't know you, apart from the few interactions we have had on here, but as Homebird says you are always kind and considerate in your comments to others. It sounds as if you have a lovely family. I would count these as successes not failures. And you are allowed to feel sorry for yourself sometimes!

    I definitely think I was a bit more resilient when I was younger. Half a lifetime of 'faking it' definitely takes it's toll. I've become much more hermit like in the last few years - I just don't have the spare energy often to push through my anxieties.

    Hope things improve for you soon

  • in reply to AnnieH

    Oh - that is so kind of you - thank you! That means a lot x 

    And you’re right - sometimes you have to just allow yourself to feel these feelings, and acknowledge them. And then hopefully move on once you’ve got it out of your system. 

    It’s so easy to start feeling useless when you can’t do things that seem so effortless to other people. Doubtless though these ‘other people’ have problems of their own too.

    This community is amazing - I’ve found so much solidarity, kindness, wisdom and encouragement on here - it’s really remarkable. It’s kind of hilarious that some ignorant people view autistic people as lacking empathy and the ability to connect with others - I’ve found empathy and human connection in abundance on here! 

    Thank you Prayx 

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  • in reply to AnnieH

    Oh - that is so kind of you - thank you! That means a lot x 

    And you’re right - sometimes you have to just allow yourself to feel these feelings, and acknowledge them. And then hopefully move on once you’ve got it out of your system. 

    It’s so easy to start feeling useless when you can’t do things that seem so effortless to other people. Doubtless though these ‘other people’ have problems of their own too.

    This community is amazing - I’ve found so much solidarity, kindness, wisdom and encouragement on here - it’s really remarkable. It’s kind of hilarious that some ignorant people view autistic people as lacking empathy and the ability to connect with others - I’ve found empathy and human connection in abundance on here! 

    Thank you Prayx 

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