Verbal abuse and disrespect from my daughter

Hello. 

I think you have to look at the bigger picture, is there something going on in your daughter's life that is stressing her out, to make her behave this way maybe she feels misunderstood I am sure she loves you unconditionally. There is probably a lack of understanding as I live with a autistic guy in my supported accommodation and he sometimes doesn't know when to stop or enough. He is a good guy but his moments of up and down mood swings and lack understanding what is personal space it's not his fault but his uneducated understanding of what is appropriate behaviour I get that sometimes I am autistic myself and sometimes I do things without realising it so it upset others but I am not intending to upset them. 

Sorry to tell you this but from having autism myself and living with other autistic people there could be a display of attention seeking behaviours displayed here I don't want to be rude by saying this or judgemental but I used to get like this. I got older and now I am less attention seeking because I know that people don't want to be around like that. I know that if I am just being myself and I am just being me that will draw people to me and therefore that will improve my mood and improve my confidence/self esteem. The truth is people are not drawn to challenging/miserable behaviour it only brings others down and when you are just being yourself other will get drawn to that. 

Apologised if I am going off topic here but it sounds like your really stressed and overwhelmed you know that your doing your best but maybe you could just take a deep breath it hard because getting angry might feed the negative behaviours more e.g. attention seeking behaviours/aggressive behaviours which you have talked about on your post which your daughter displayed. Don't take it to personal either try to tell yourself this is part of her autism. I know Autism is not an excuse but just willing to take that step back and reflect a little. 

Hello. 

I think you have to look at the bigger picture, is there something going on in your daughter's life that is stressing her out, to make her behave this way maybe she feels misunderstood I am sure she loves you unconditionally. There is probably a lack of understanding as I live with a autistic guy in my supported accommodation and he sometimes doesn't know when to stop or enough. He is a good guy but his moments of up and down mood swings and lack understanding what is personal space it's not his fault but his uneducated understanding of what is appropriate behaviour I get that sometimes I am autistic myself and sometimes I do things without realising it so it upset others but I am not intending to upset them. 

Sorry to tell you this but from having autism myself and living with other autistic people there could be a display of attention seeking behaviours displayed here I don't want to be rude by saying this or judgemental but I used to get like this. I got older and now I am less attention seeking because I know that people don't want to be around like that. I know that if I am just being myself and I am just being me that will draw people to me and therefore that will improve my mood and improve my confidence/self esteem. The truth is people are not drawn to challenging/miserable behaviour it only brings others down and when you are just being yourself other will get drawn to that. 

Apologised if I am going off topic here but it sounds like your really stressed and overwhelmed you know that your doing your best but maybe you could just take a deep breath it hard because getting angry might feed the negative behaviours more e.g. attention seeking behaviours/aggressive behaviours which you have talked about on your post which your daughter displayed. Don't take it to personal either try to tell yourself this is part of her autism. I know Autism is not an excuse but just willing to take that step back and reflect a little. 

It’s the parents behaviour for sure. I’ve been the autistic child, I’ve watched neurologically typical parents do the same thing over and over again.

You explain why it happening to the neurologically typical parents and they still ignore the explanation of the behaviour and look for another solution that doesn’t involve them modifying their behaviour because it’s difficult. 

its almost like a self full-filling prophecy. The parents is unknowingly communicate her frustration at the child through both indirect and direct behaviours which is actively stressing the child to either react in a negative way because they don’t know how responded to behaviour without getting overwhelmed or they succeed or try yo full fill the prophecy to ensure that the parents has burst of predictable anger so they don’t have to worry about the unpredictability of the behaviour of the parent. 

the same parents also tend to play in the narrative of one child is golden and the autistic child is the scape goat.

Often unfairly and un attentional treat the non autistic child with a more positive and less controlling attitude. Autistic child see this and gets frustrated and doesn’t know how to process this and often work either blame the other children or take it out on them. 

this is a worrying and will become dangerous unless the parents starts realising what she is doing to influence these behaviours. 

yet again language being used by the parent is unhelpful and negative. 

attention seeking is a term used to dismiss a child’s need for validation and acknowledgement which is perfectly acceptable. The parents is viewing their child as manipulative when in fact the child is responding to the parents negative emotional and mental state which is obviously influenced by their expectations of being a parent being derailed by her daughter having autism.