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Struggling with things breaking or getting damaged

sphynx

I have got upset about things breaking or getting damaged from when I was very little. Early on this would even apply to seemingly insignificant things - I would cry every time someone broke a plate or a glass. It’s changed now in that I’m only really affected by damage to things I’m attached to. But as well as actual damage, I also worry a lot about possible (even if unlikely) damage. For example, earlier this evening I dropped one of my stainless steel baoding balls on a tile floor. The steel is apparently high quality and very durable. I’m blind so have to rely mostly on my sense of touch to detect damage, and don’t notice any here. I also asked my mum if she could see any. She said she couldn’t, But I’m not sure she would tell me if she could, as she knows I would be very upset. Despite all the available evidence, I’m still really worried about it, I’m reluctant to use the balls until I’m absolutely sure they are in the same condition they were in before the drop.

I wonder if anyone can relate to any of this?

  • I have the problem of wanting things to be perfect,  if they are damaged they become worthless and horrible to me. Strangely, if I buy something second hand or antique, this doesn't apply, as I just accept the state the object is in.

  • Well when things are broken, what kind of thoughts or emotions come up for you? Sometimes just imagining something that's broken and experiencing the intensity of it will help determine the cause. 

    I think that I was attached to things more than I was attached to people. When things broke or got worn out, I got sad because it had lost it's usefulness and function, and that it had become garbage and had to be thrown away. I was grieving the loss of the object, and that it'll be gone forever, and it was really sad. 

    But I think that after I have grown up and started buying things, I realized that items are mass produced (I mean I knew that before, but it "sunk in" more as an adult because I had the power to buy things), and I realized that I'll likely find another item to replace the broken one from a store or online. I mean even one spoon can come from many different places, and there's many different brands and materials it's made out of, that it's kind of hard to choose from. So I realized that things are not lost forever.

    I think I broke a toaster or two (I had short circuited one and it sparked and didn't work anymore, and the other was melted onto my oven top), I think I melted a spatula or two as well, and it's honestly sort of funny recalling all these mishaps. I think I learned to laugh instead of become sad, because I knew that I could just easily buy another one, and get on with the day. I think it's good to try and find laughter in daily things so that it's not always sad and stressful. Everyone needs less stress. 

  • Childhood experiences can stick and be life long, adults are the beliefs and habits formed through childhood unless replaced with more mature ones.

    You believe that its really sad when things break, which is fine for really precious things, but not really appropriate for everyday things.  Next time something breaks, thing something that's not really emotional - like "oh, that's a shame" or "damn".  You could always break something on purpose and practice those thoughts.

    Also, don't overthink things - reassure yourself that the balls are fine, think things like 'they seem fine to me' and just use them even if anxious or unsure because they should be fine.  If you did later find damage then just see it as unfortunate, and not the end of the world - you might still be able to use them, or if they no longer feel right then replacing them makes sense.

    The tile might have fractured or broke when the ball hit, rather than the ball being damaged.