Dating someone who has AS.

I have AS, and a few weeks ago I went on a date with a guy who half way through the date told me he has AS. I didn’t tell him I had it till the second date. But it’s made things between us so much easier.

that’s until recently. He was meant to come down and visit me (40 minutes on two trains) but he’s having a shutdown and cancelled due to it being very stressful, he’s never left London and don’t want to. I completely understand and get this. 

but, am I being selfish in feeling like he should put some effort into seeing me. He’s 10 years younger than me, so I know it will take him time, but at the same time I feel like telling him he just needs to do it and get it over with. 

it would be stupid for us to end a potential relationship over him not wanting to travel, as we are the only ones who would understand eachother. 

he’s actually the first person I’ve spoken to about my AS, I’ve told him all I’ve experienced with therapy, drs, teachers and family. How they treated me, spoke to me, told me how I should and shouldn’t feel. I told him how I feel like I’ve been punished since I was 10 because of this. And he understands that, the same has happened to him and it completely breaks my heart that I don’t think this will work. 

im trying to give him time, but at the same time I know jumping into the deep end will help him in the long run. 

do I carry on seeing him/wait till he’s ready or just “end it” and see other people? 
I don’t know what to do. It makes me feel like he doesn’t like me and he’s making it up to avoids me

Parents
  • You’re right. I didn’t think that trying to get him to come to me and just “jumping in” wouldn’t help him.

    all of us are different.

    I did offer to pick him up from his house and come to me but he didn’t reply (he’s bad at messaging) I would think dating someone like me would be easier but it’s just as hard Sweat smile

Reply
  • You’re right. I didn’t think that trying to get him to come to me and just “jumping in” wouldn’t help him.

    all of us are different.

    I did offer to pick him up from his house and come to me but he didn’t reply (he’s bad at messaging) I would think dating someone like me would be easier but it’s just as hard Sweat smile

Children
  • The double empathy problem kicks in- he backs off, you back off = difficult, and if repeated its easy for one/both to walk away for good.  Autistic people face this socially and in relationship attempts, and two autistic people will face it also - but the shared understanding can help get past it, or live with it better.

    You are kind of being having to be his carer or life-coach as well as trying to develop a relationship, that probably isn't what you had in mind but he may be able to get past this difficult stage and snowball, less stressed more relax = more chance of a relationship, with you or anyone else.  It may not happen though.