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Dating someone who has AS.

Mark

I have AS, and a few weeks ago I went on a date with a guy who half way through the date told me he has AS. I didn’t tell him I had it till the second date. But it’s made things between us so much easier.

that’s until recently. He was meant to come down and visit me (40 minutes on two trains) but he’s having a shutdown and cancelled due to it being very stressful, he’s never left London and don’t want to. I completely understand and get this. 

but, am I being selfish in feeling like he should put some effort into seeing me. He’s 10 years younger than me, so I know it will take him time, but at the same time I feel like telling him he just needs to do it and get it over with. 

it would be stupid for us to end a potential relationship over him not wanting to travel, as we are the only ones who would understand eachother. 

he’s actually the first person I’ve spoken to about my AS, I’ve told him all I’ve experienced with therapy, drs, teachers and family. How they treated me, spoke to me, told me how I should and shouldn’t feel. I told him how I feel like I’ve been punished since I was 10 because of this. And he understands that, the same has happened to him and it completely breaks my heart that I don’t think this will work. 

im trying to give him time, but at the same time I know jumping into the deep end will help him in the long run. 

do I carry on seeing him/wait till he’s ready or just “end it” and see other people? 
I don’t know what to do. It makes me feel like he doesn’t like me and he’s making it up to avoids me

Parents

  • He just gets stressed out and anxious when he has to travel anywhere. His phobia does not equate to him not liking you or anything like that, but traveling just seems out of his comfort level to do. 

    I mean if you do visit him sometime, maybe travel back together with him sometime, show him a map, show him a step-by-step process, just anything to make him more familiar with the route to get to your place, and how to get back home to his place. 

    If they're anxious and stressed out about something already, and they're forced into doing something (just to get it over with) by another person, that's just going to add to their anxiety and stress levels, not decrease it. I mean imagine him actually getting to your place, but now he's just breaking down and having a panic attack and just stressed out and unhappy to be there. That's not the nice romantic meeting you had imagined in your mind. I mean it would take time for him to feel comfortable traveling to see you. But if you eventually get a place together, then travelling won't me as much of an issue. 

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  • He just gets stressed out and anxious when he has to travel anywhere. His phobia does not equate to him not liking you or anything like that, but traveling just seems out of his comfort level to do. 

    I mean if you do visit him sometime, maybe travel back together with him sometime, show him a map, show him a step-by-step process, just anything to make him more familiar with the route to get to your place, and how to get back home to his place. 

    If they're anxious and stressed out about something already, and they're forced into doing something (just to get it over with) by another person, that's just going to add to their anxiety and stress levels, not decrease it. I mean imagine him actually getting to your place, but now he's just breaking down and having a panic attack and just stressed out and unhappy to be there. That's not the nice romantic meeting you had imagined in your mind. I mean it would take time for him to feel comfortable traveling to see you. But if you eventually get a place together, then travelling won't me as much of an issue. 

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