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Urgent help needed please

fluffybunny

Hi,

I hope someone can help me, I need some help quickly as I have been summonsed to court this coming Tuesday as my 12 year old ASD daughter has alleged abuse.

I will try and cut a very long story short...

My 12 year old daughter is diagnosed with ASD, she is quite high functioning and in mainstream school with a 23 hour a week statement of special educational needs.

In the last 3 months she has become more and more nasty and abusive towards me, frequently telling me to die.

School not supportive as she is "fine while she's here." her Dad and I are separated, and much of it goes over his head.

Three weeks ago she told me she hated me and was going to go and live at her Dads. She threatened to run away if I didn't let her and again told me to die.

Whether through tiredness or need for respite, I 'gave up' and let her go.

I then got a court summons and a court order served on me preventing me from seeing her.

She has alleged that I have assaulted her badly and have been physically and emotionally abusive. Her Dad is trying to get full residency and a court order to change her school.

I feel utterly sick. I have defended her, stood by her and explained to all the 'autism ignorant' people in her life over and over again. 

Worst still, is that she has encountered children in care since she started high school in September, this never really entered her radar before. She seems to have made emotional sense of this by obsessively reading Jacqueline Wilson books and inventing stories and dramas about what a rubbish parent I am, to her school friends.

I am convinced that she has also been watching Coronation Street at her Dads house and is playing out the storyline with 'Fay.' I don't watch it myself, but a friend pointed out the similaritys.

I am struggling to afford legal help and have spent any money I had getting a solicitor to prepare and attend at court on Tuesday. I need to get this squashed as fast as possible.

Can I ask this community for help please? I have trawled the Internet for a simple description of this type of taking on characters to try and make emotional sense of something, but I'm having no luck and am running out of time.

I know this happens and I thought it was similar to echolalia, but I'm not finding anything specific enough. I need a concise, simple and preferably well researched document from a trusted source to give the solicitor tomorrow for her to present in court.

If anyone could help, I would be so grateful. 

Thank you for reading this and any help anyone can give.

Kate x

Parents

  • Azalea, I think you may have answered both of our questions there, perhaps without realising it.

    I have always looked at my daughter with this adoration that you seem to wish for yourself.

    We have friends around us who care about her very much and do the same, like myself, they love her for the funny and unique person she is.

    To me, the answer is that her ASD means that she is unable to see this love and adoration in the same way a child not on the spectrum would.

    I have tried for years for her to see this, and clearly, as my current situation shows, I have failed.

    Personally speaking, I do not automatically put teenagers in the 'rebel' category. I have volunteered with a youth charity for many years and I do what I can to effect a change in this perception that some people have.

    Teenage years are hard sometimes, more so for young people like yourself. It may not be much comfort for you now, but Azalea, you will find that as you go through your life, you will meet people, like your sister, who love you and appreciate you for who you are. 

    Try and see the the love they have for you and be there for them as they will be for you. You may find that as you find it easier to see this, the need to do this with your imaginary friends, lessens.

    I hope this has helped a little. Thank you again for your honesty and for sharing your experiences so openly. You write very well. May I suggest that you put this skill to good use? Why not take these imaginary friends and put them on paper? 

    Your experiences can help others. And then, in the future when another parent is going through the same horrible situation as I am, or another teenager feeling the same way as you are now. They could both read your book or website and find some comfort and understanding in it.

    Thank you again for your honesty. 

Reply

  • Azalea, I think you may have answered both of our questions there, perhaps without realising it.

    I have always looked at my daughter with this adoration that you seem to wish for yourself.

    We have friends around us who care about her very much and do the same, like myself, they love her for the funny and unique person she is.

    To me, the answer is that her ASD means that she is unable to see this love and adoration in the same way a child not on the spectrum would.

    I have tried for years for her to see this, and clearly, as my current situation shows, I have failed.

    Personally speaking, I do not automatically put teenagers in the 'rebel' category. I have volunteered with a youth charity for many years and I do what I can to effect a change in this perception that some people have.

    Teenage years are hard sometimes, more so for young people like yourself. It may not be much comfort for you now, but Azalea, you will find that as you go through your life, you will meet people, like your sister, who love you and appreciate you for who you are. 

    Try and see the the love they have for you and be there for them as they will be for you. You may find that as you find it easier to see this, the need to do this with your imaginary friends, lessens.

    I hope this has helped a little. Thank you again for your honesty and for sharing your experiences so openly. You write very well. May I suggest that you put this skill to good use? Why not take these imaginary friends and put them on paper? 

    Your experiences can help others. And then, in the future when another parent is going through the same horrible situation as I am, or another teenager feeling the same way as you are now. They could both read your book or website and find some comfort and understanding in it.

    Thank you again for your honesty. 

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