Making friends online

Hi! I would love to chat. I'm 24, I love hiking, nature and science. I used to love reading though I haven't read much in recent years (maybe something I need to take up again). 

Got that wrong - it’s called ‘The Tibetan Art of Serenity’.  I’ve always been interested in Tibet. We went to see the Dalai Llama do a talk years ago and ever since have always been interested in Tibet and Buddhism (although this book is connected to a ancient religion called Bon). 

That's fascinating. I have always wanted to see the Himalaya as well (though for me the mountains are what fascinates me most). 

Hi, Sorry for the late reply, I've only just seen your reply. 

Yes, please share the comments on PhDs with your son if you think it might be helpful from him. I wanted to share to avoid other people getting into a similar situation to me- it is so easy to be taken advantage of if (like me) you are passionate about your subject and get hyperfocused on the research/project aspect of it to the exclusion of other things. 

I've only been to Oxford once, but like you say studying there probably has a lot of similarities to studying in Cambridge- Did your son enjoy studying in Oxford? 

Cambridge is such a nice place to visit :). Aromi is nice :), I love their ice cream. Mum and I actually ate there when we first went to Cambridge for my interview. I also really love the market and the food on the market in Cambridge (especially the baked goods). 

Yes, I know Open Air- they were always super friendly and had great equipment. Unfortunately, the last I saw was that they are closing permanently, which is sad. I suspect it might be due to the pandemic. 

Are there any particular camping gear websites and youtube reviewers that you like looking at? In the past I've mainly researched gear when I was planning to replace/buy a piece of kit, but looking at gear could be a fun activity- it would allow me to dream about future trips. 

I'm really glad my Mum and I understand each other so well- we are very alike and like you say, I think that can be a huge advantage. My dad is very different - I don't have that much of a relationship with him, partly because my parents divorced when I was young, but probably also because we are quite different. It is very hard for him to understand the struggles I am facing- He can just "switch off" any circular thoughts and any stress and anxiety... he doesn't understand that not everyone can simply decide to switch on "relaxed mode" and not worry about everything... So he struggles to understand why I am finding it so hard to cope and he does get frustrated with me and can (usually without meaning to) make some hurtful comments.

I'm glad that your son is enjoying his time abroad! I hope he manages to sort out the paperwork soon!! 

I really enjoy talking to you too!! 

Yes - they’re on Twitter - though they’re not that keen on it. They have a small group of close  friends online that they’re really close to though and it’s a very supportive and neurodiverse group. 

Is your eldest on twitter? Good place to find autistic people talking about autism, but will also find non-binary autistic people (and non-autistics of course).  Neurodiversity is diverse in many many ways, good to see.

What you say about doing a PHD is really interesting. My eldest (who is non-binary by the way in case you wonder why I keep describing them as ‘my eldest’ in that slightly odd way!) does have some concerns about it. He has a couple of friends who have had really bad experiences doing a PHD too. There are lots of downsides like you say - or can be anyway . Also there’s the financial pressure as there’s not much funding in my eldest’s field of study. if you don’t mind I’ll share your comments on this subject with him - I’m sure he’ll find them helpful. 
So you studied at Cambridge?! My eldest did their first degree at Oxford. I imagine there are a lot of similarities - Oxford is a bit of a bubble too. Also I think those really good University’s tend to have a slightly higher proportion of autistic students who are experts in their subject. Like you say about Cambridge  - it’s a very special place to study and to live. Before the pandemic we used to visit Cambridge a lot as we love it so much. It has such a great atmosphere - it’s a bit more ‘cosy’ than Oxford I always think. We love the Fitzwilliam Museum and Kettles Yard. Lots of nice places to eat - we like the little Italian Cafe called Aromi. The architecture is so beautiful too. Most of all though we like just meandering about. I’m not surprised you miss it - I miss it too. Did you use the little Outdoor shop called Open Air? I like that shop. 

I love hiking equipment stores too - I love finding really small, lightweight kit - it’s a bit of a weakness of mine. I don’t actually do that much camping or hiking at the moment due to the pandemic (mainly just local walks) but I still spend plenty of time looking at camping kit etc online, and those videos on YouTube where people review camping gear. I find it really interesting to see how other people have little tricks to make camping more comfortable etc. 

I can relate to what you say about your relationship with your Mother. My son and I are both struggling at the moment - we support each other and have so many similarities- but I sometimes think that it would be better for my son to have a Mother who was not autistic - and who was super capable and neurotypical and stronger than I am. However my Mother was more like that and it wasn’t very good - because she couldn’t understand me and was often very critical of me for my (what she saw as) ‘weaknesses’. Both my parents saw me as ‘too sensitive’, or ‘making a fuss about nothing’ if I was anxious or scared etc. So overall I think it’s better to have a parent who understands you and empathises with you - even if you are both sometimes vulnerable and struggling. I felt so alone having parents who didn’t understand me. 

I think you show huge courage moving to Germany on your own and not knowing anyone there - that’s really impressive. You must really love your subject to do that. I hope that the job you are doing has met your expectations? My eldest and their girlfriend moved abroad last year as she went abroad to do a Master's - they’re really enjoying the adventure of living in another country. I’m so glad they are doing it - as my son finds things challenging too - so it was a big deal for him. It’s working out well though - about from the fact that getting the paperwork for him to work there has been a nightmare and he still hasn’t got it sorted so that he can work there. He’s running out of money so it’s getting difficult for him - however he doesn’t regret going, he really likes it there and they are really enjoying the experience. 

it’s good to do these things isn’t it? It’s so easy to hold back from big changes like that. I wish I had been more adventurous in my life. I hope to be braver in future - once the pandemic is less of an issue and when I’m feeling a bit more robust. It’s good to change things in your life, and to take risks sometimes. Things usually work out. 

it’s so nice talking with you! I’m really glad I joined this - it’s been so interesting and has helped me get out of that ‘groove’  of worrying all day long which I tend to do at the moment.

What you say about doing a PHD is really interesting. My eldest (who is non-binary by the way in case you wonder why I keep describing them as ‘my eldest’ in that slightly odd way!) does have some concerns about it. He has a couple of friends who have had really bad experiences doing a PHD too. There are lots of downsides like you say - or can be anyway . Also there’s the financial pressure as there’s not much funding in my eldest’s field of study. if you don’t mind I’ll share your comments on this subject with him - I’m sure he’ll find them helpful. 
So you studied at Cambridge?! My eldest did their first degree at Oxford. I imagine there are a lot of similarities - Oxford is a bit of a bubble too. Also I think those really good University’s tend to have a slightly higher proportion of autistic students who are experts in their subject. Like you say about Cambridge  - it’s a very special place to study and to live. Before the pandemic we used to visit Cambridge a lot as we love it so much. It has such a great atmosphere - it’s a bit more ‘cosy’ than Oxford I always think. We love the Fitzwilliam Museum and Kettles Yard. Lots of nice places to eat - we like the little Italian Cafe called Aromi. The architecture is so beautiful too. Most of all though we like just meandering about. I’m not surprised you miss it - I miss it too. Did you use the little Outdoor shop called Open Air? I like that shop. 

I love hiking equipment stores too - I love finding really small, lightweight kit - it’s a bit of a weakness of mine. I don’t actually do that much camping or hiking at the moment due to the pandemic (mainly just local walks) but I still spend plenty of time looking at camping kit etc online, and those videos on YouTube where people review camping gear. I find it really interesting to see how other people have little tricks to make camping more comfortable etc. 

I can relate to what you say about your relationship with your Mother. My son and I are both struggling at the moment - we support each other and have so many similarities- but I sometimes think that it would be better for my son to have a Mother who was not autistic - and who was super capable and neurotypical and stronger than I am. However my Mother was more like that and it wasn’t very good - because she couldn’t understand me and was often very critical of me for my (what she saw as) ‘weaknesses’. Both my parents saw me as ‘too sensitive’, or ‘making a fuss about nothing’ if I was anxious or scared etc. So overall I think it’s better to have a parent who understands you and empathises with you - even if you are both sometimes vulnerable and struggling. I felt so alone having parents who didn’t understand me. 

I think you show huge courage moving to Germany on your own and not knowing anyone there - that’s really impressive. You must really love your subject to do that. I hope that the job you are doing has met your expectations? My eldest and their girlfriend moved abroad last year as she went abroad to do a Master's - they’re really enjoying the adventure of living in another country. I’m so glad they are doing it - as my son finds things challenging too - so it was a big deal for him. It’s working out well though - about from the fact that getting the paperwork for him to work there has been a nightmare and he still hasn’t got it sorted so that he can work there. He’s running out of money so it’s getting difficult for him - however he doesn’t regret going, he really likes it there and they are really enjoying the experience. 

it’s good to do these things isn’t it? It’s so easy to hold back from big changes like that. I wish I had been more adventurous in my life. I hope to be braver in future - once the pandemic is less of an issue and when I’m feeling a bit more robust. It’s good to change things in your life, and to take risks sometimes. Things usually work out. 

it’s so nice talking with you! I’m really glad I joined this - it’s been so interesting and has helped me get out of that ‘groove’  of worrying all day long which I tend to do at the moment.

Hi, Sorry for the late reply, I've only just seen your reply. 

Yes, please share the comments on PhDs with your son if you think it might be helpful from him. I wanted to share to avoid other people getting into a similar situation to me- it is so easy to be taken advantage of if (like me) you are passionate about your subject and get hyperfocused on the research/project aspect of it to the exclusion of other things. 

I've only been to Oxford once, but like you say studying there probably has a lot of similarities to studying in Cambridge- Did your son enjoy studying in Oxford? 

Cambridge is such a nice place to visit :). Aromi is nice :), I love their ice cream. Mum and I actually ate there when we first went to Cambridge for my interview. I also really love the market and the food on the market in Cambridge (especially the baked goods). 

Yes, I know Open Air- they were always super friendly and had great equipment. Unfortunately, the last I saw was that they are closing permanently, which is sad. I suspect it might be due to the pandemic. 

Are there any particular camping gear websites and youtube reviewers that you like looking at? In the past I've mainly researched gear when I was planning to replace/buy a piece of kit, but looking at gear could be a fun activity- it would allow me to dream about future trips. 

I'm really glad my Mum and I understand each other so well- we are very alike and like you say, I think that can be a huge advantage. My dad is very different - I don't have that much of a relationship with him, partly because my parents divorced when I was young, but probably also because we are quite different. It is very hard for him to understand the struggles I am facing- He can just "switch off" any circular thoughts and any stress and anxiety... he doesn't understand that not everyone can simply decide to switch on "relaxed mode" and not worry about everything... So he struggles to understand why I am finding it so hard to cope and he does get frustrated with me and can (usually without meaning to) make some hurtful comments.

I'm glad that your son is enjoying his time abroad! I hope he manages to sort out the paperwork soon!! 

I really enjoy talking to you too!! 

Yes - they’re on Twitter - though they’re not that keen on it. They have a small group of close  friends online that they’re really close to though and it’s a very supportive and neurodiverse group. 

Is your eldest on twitter? Good place to find autistic people talking about autism, but will also find non-binary autistic people (and non-autistics of course).  Neurodiversity is diverse in many many ways, good to see.