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desperate and not sure what to do now .

C&C

my autistic son is 13 his diagnosis was given some years ago and we as a family have coped for years pretty much alone ,it is me as a single mum and 4 other children ,22,19,16 and 6yrs as well as my 13yr old ,

after fighting formany years to find a great school for my son which he has been in now for several years we have recieved no help from anyone else or rather have never been given any info as to where to find appropriate help ,but have always managed untill now

my sons diagnosis was high fuctioning autism with traits of aspergers and several learning disabilities ,

the learning side is being dealt with by the school and is managed well and improving while still nowhere near what a child of his age would be he is doing well but it is his behavioural problems which i am struggling to deal with now .

i have read often the posts here but never written it isnt something i do ,i find myself very withdraw from any kind of social life now for some time but feel desperate right now so asking for advice if i can from you all as it seems many of you go through similar things as i am .

over the years my sons behaviour both at school and home has become increasingly difficult to manage ,obviously at school he has professional staff trained to deal with his increasing distructive and dangerous behaviour they watch him 24/7 and will if necessary restrict hs behaviour by using official restraining methods but they dont like doing this unless necessary and no other options but recently this has been more and more necessary as his behaviour has become more and more violent and dangerous for him and others around him,

however at home now he is as big and twice as strong as me i cannot do anything even remotely similar to remove him from the situation ,and he knows that very well these days

he is like jekle and hyde one miute a marvel helping with things ,he loves to be given tasks to do and he loves to help with his little brother ,he fusses around him like a mother hen but then for what seems like no reason at all (and yes ive spent years looking for triggers and on the whole there is no one thing and rarely and signs of chage comming)he will change and become an absolute vile moster and it hurts me to describe him as that but i dont know how else to describe it

he swears constantly and horribly at me and anyone else around includng his little brother and he threatens to smash everything and believe me there isnt much left now that he hasnt damaged ,including the house itself ,

thats another problem we live in rented property and there are so may doors kicked off their hinges and hole made in them and holes in the walls and god knows what else i dont know how to cover them all up anymore when the landlords agents come to check the property any more and i am terrified ww will be asked to leave soon and the we will have no home

his violence is not aimed just at the house and the furiture anymore ,he knows now he can hurt me and does often ,he pushes and kicks me and causes bruises ,no breaks as yet but i am just waiting for them ,

at school he does similar kicks and hurts throws things breaks things but they have 4 staff to every child there and only 20 kids i the school to deal with here often its just me ,my eldest son helps when he is here which often is a god send as he has to restrain and remove him but he should not have to do this

my biggest fear right now is that i will call the doctor for help or someone although im not sure who and the help will come in the form of them removing him from my house because they say i cannot care for him ,this is something i dont want to happen and hate the thought of that i love him very much and he loves me ,he just doesnt kow how to control these outbursts and neither do we .

i am very sorry for the very very long post here but i am lost and dont know where else to go right now ,and scared to lose my son and have social services watching my other kids but i need some advice and some help from somewhere ,

so thankyou all in advance for whatever your replies may have to say i am sure they will all be full of great advice .

 

Parents

  • The drugs don't have to be forever. My son had one stint when he was 14 and had to more secondary school - he was on a very low done - we had to cut the tiniest tablets into 4.

    However it did help him. He was on them for about 10 months. He went back on them again at 17 , when he was eventually diagnosed with Aspergers. he was very stressed/ anxious at this time  ( but it manifested itself as angry and violent) He stayed on them til he was 18 and had to come off, becasue he wasn't allowed to be on that drug for that reason. He switched to anti - depressants at that time ( prozac equivalent) as depression was a big issues . He has been on these for a year - but is now off them.

    I can honestly say he did not seem like a person on medications. The risperidone helped him feel more in controll and the anti depressants kept his worries in perspective .

     I am glad he is off them, but only because I know if he becomes troubled again he beleives they will help him and he can go back on them. Its another tool in our tool kit.

    Another though it can you ghet accessto a support worker for him. My son was assessed as an adult, but has a support worker come to him for 2 hours a week every other week. It's another young lad and they just go and do young lad things together - tonight they are playing tennis.

    It's worth contacting the council and seeing what practical support you can access.

    He also plays football with a special needs group.

    The voluntary sector has given upon my son too as he is a liability, but I have found more specialist activities which he loves,

     

Reply

  • The drugs don't have to be forever. My son had one stint when he was 14 and had to more secondary school - he was on a very low done - we had to cut the tiniest tablets into 4.

    However it did help him. He was on them for about 10 months. He went back on them again at 17 , when he was eventually diagnosed with Aspergers. he was very stressed/ anxious at this time  ( but it manifested itself as angry and violent) He stayed on them til he was 18 and had to come off, becasue he wasn't allowed to be on that drug for that reason. He switched to anti - depressants at that time ( prozac equivalent) as depression was a big issues . He has been on these for a year - but is now off them.

    I can honestly say he did not seem like a person on medications. The risperidone helped him feel more in controll and the anti depressants kept his worries in perspective .

     I am glad he is off them, but only because I know if he becomes troubled again he beleives they will help him and he can go back on them. Its another tool in our tool kit.

    Another though it can you ghet accessto a support worker for him. My son was assessed as an adult, but has a support worker come to him for 2 hours a week every other week. It's another young lad and they just go and do young lad things together - tonight they are playing tennis.

    It's worth contacting the council and seeing what practical support you can access.

    He also plays football with a special needs group.

    The voluntary sector has given upon my son too as he is a liability, but I have found more specialist activities which he loves,

     

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