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you can't the blame aspergers

peter0003

Hi All,  

       There is a lot of other things about my asperger's I don't understand and how to get the message across to those people who need to know that I mean no harm when I talk to them.  Being unemployed does not help but I volunteer to do work for my church espeically in the grounds/garden and have had problems with other members of the church in what I have said to upset them. And then I'm told that I cannot blame it  on being one with aspergers, If not why not? It is the only reason I could give for the situation. I may not know what to say or not say, or even  when to  shut up.

        And my sister in law is a pain, she's a methodist minister and it she thinks she knows everything to with austism. Just because her friends son has autism she thinks she knows best for me and then thinks i'm stupid most of the time.  I  am 51 years old, have a house, can drive , use a PC & have problems with saving  money  I try to forget about her nagging.   any HELP would help.

Yours Peter0003

Parents

  • I try to understand where offence arises and I think it is often more about other people's insecurities than mine. I'm trying to avoid the cliche "there's nothing wrong with me its everybody else that's the problem" where clearly if you've got aspergers syndrome it must be a factor. But it is worth considering that it is not all the aspie's fault.

    Humans are social creatures that rely on a social structure which is part instinctive, part learned. They depend on this infrastructure working so they don't have to worry about procedure because people in social groups unconsciously support and redirect each other.

    Having Aspergers means that you don't pick up on social cues, but rely on language. But also it means you don't generate the social cues others are looking for. So you cannot provide the intrastructure non-aspie's are expecting and they react to this. I think you can to some extent apologise if you inadvertently cause offence on the grounds you have trouble processing non-verbal or social information.

    Fact is if you are struggling to conform to social cues and expectations, they have to work a bit harder to support you. Not much to expect really, but people are excessively (and obsessively) concerned with social intrastructure. One of the gifts of being aspie, you don't seem to need all that social grooming.

    On religion I'm cautious. I know a lot of aspies find religion especially some Christian groups supportive. I think the problem is that it involves being way too literal about concepts that are, as has been pointed out, two thousand years in the past. This anachronism does not seem tio bother neurotypicals - I guess its a bit like being knowledgeable about football - its part of social approval, and you really mustn't suggest its all twaddle, however unrealistic and bizarre it may appear.

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  • I try to understand where offence arises and I think it is often more about other people's insecurities than mine. I'm trying to avoid the cliche "there's nothing wrong with me its everybody else that's the problem" where clearly if you've got aspergers syndrome it must be a factor. But it is worth considering that it is not all the aspie's fault.

    Humans are social creatures that rely on a social structure which is part instinctive, part learned. They depend on this infrastructure working so they don't have to worry about procedure because people in social groups unconsciously support and redirect each other.

    Having Aspergers means that you don't pick up on social cues, but rely on language. But also it means you don't generate the social cues others are looking for. So you cannot provide the intrastructure non-aspie's are expecting and they react to this. I think you can to some extent apologise if you inadvertently cause offence on the grounds you have trouble processing non-verbal or social information.

    Fact is if you are struggling to conform to social cues and expectations, they have to work a bit harder to support you. Not much to expect really, but people are excessively (and obsessively) concerned with social intrastructure. One of the gifts of being aspie, you don't seem to need all that social grooming.

    On religion I'm cautious. I know a lot of aspies find religion especially some Christian groups supportive. I think the problem is that it involves being way too literal about concepts that are, as has been pointed out, two thousand years in the past. This anachronism does not seem tio bother neurotypicals - I guess its a bit like being knowledgeable about football - its part of social approval, and you really mustn't suggest its all twaddle, however unrealistic and bizarre it may appear.

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