I was once told that the definition of psychosis was saying 2+2=5 and the definition of neurosis was saying 2+2=4 but I can't stand it.
Autistic people tend to start with what they believe to be true and work forward to the logical answer whether they like it or not (often not). Non autistic people often start with their feelings about what kind of answer a question might have and then allow those feelings to subtly guide their reasoning to an answer they can live with eg 2+2=5. So where as you may be quite content that 2+2=5 your husband is like, no we need to find a way to add 1 onto this. That problem solving process of finding a way to add 1 is what stops him slipping into neurosis. When he gives up on trying to solve a problem you think doesn't need solving then you will see the emotion ... and you probably won't like it.
I’m not sure if this is what you mean as your question is a bit vague but if someone is upset about something I naturally want to help them by fixing the problem. Problem goes away, person is no longer sad. So I’ll start talking about actions to tackle the issue. What usually goes over my head is the person needing a hug and/or just generally wanting to talk about their feelings in a way that won’t actually make the problem go away because it will still be there so how can you now be happy afterwards? Also have a read about alexithymia, unless I’m ecstatically happy or filled with murderous rage I’m in a neutral mood all of the time. it can take me sometimes a few days to realise if I’m feeling something else, then identify what that feeling is.
PS. I realise you’re asking partners how they approach these issues but I think it would be helpful for you to know the thought processes possibly involved
Lack of apparent emotion? Most autistics feel a great deal of emotion. We sometimes find it difficult to recognise it and what it's nature is, which is what causes meltdowns and shutdowns. We also tend to express our emotions in ways that neurotypicals do not recognise.
