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Sex, stress & my partner

KL16

Hi, 

Firstly thanks so much for reading this, all advice is welcome. 

Me and my partner have been together 1.5yrs. we have a great connection and our relationship is generally a good one. The more I'm getting to know him the more I am working out he is autistic. And has been massively misunderstood a lot of his life, causing trauma and broken down relationships with family and partners. 

He definitely finds it hard to voice how he feels to me and I can tell keeps things in for weeks then goes bang hitting his limit. 

Is there any way I can help this? If you could give me a plan to follow what would it be? 

Our sex life has always been great, he appeared pleased, happy to have sex, sometimes every day often 3/4 times a week. A very touchy feely person, always hugging and kissing me. However this last few months the sex side of things has changed dramatically. I have tried to chat with him about it and his response "I just can't be fucking ***, I really can't. I'm not interested". 

So looking at the bigger picture, trying to take an outsider's view, he is massively stressed with work. Due to sickness and being the boss he is working double the hours he usually does, very early starts and work itself is crap (food retail) very very busy time of year but little stock, lots of unhappy customers etc. He's great at his job and has got to the top of the ladder because of this however in the last 2 months has voiced he currently hates his job right now. 

Would you say the stress is taking over and having an impact on sex? 

Is there something else? 

What can I do/say to support him? I certainly dont want to make it worse for him. 

He struggles to talk about feelings full stop but hates talking about sex massively. Have you experienced/feel like this? 

I would like to understand more as our relationship is great and don't want to end up feeling unwanted & unloved down to lack of understanding. 

  • KL16 said:
    he is massively stressed with work. Due to sickness and being the boss he is working double the hours he usually does, very early starts and work itself is crap (food retail) very very busy time of year but little stock, lots of unhappy customers etc. He's great at his job and has got to the top of the ladder because of this however in the last 2 months has voiced he currently hates his job right now. 

    Very few people going thro this level of stress would find their love life unaffected, whether or not they are on the spectrum.  

  • forgot

    that change in his behaviour is most likely entirely unrelated to you

    I mean you are not at fault

  • oh i wish my ex was like you, sorry

    my ex came up with i did not sign for this when me being autistic came out

    so

    don't push him for answers and showing anything

    it will take time for him to mellow and warm up, but eventually you will get there

    there are tabu topics, i don't know how to break those inhibitions, not enough experience in practise

    and we have plenty all sorts of inhibitions, most of them are there for a reason, be careful fidling with them, 

    that's how worst traumas happen by not being careful

    retail jobs lately are more and more stress

    if there was a lot of trauma in his life, than therapy isn't the worst idea, but going to NT specialist won't help him, but how to find autistic psychiatrist ?

    therapy might be something else not a psychiatrist, for me is this forum

    martial arts course if he is a mobile type not affraid of physical damage? drawing classes? sewing? knitting? autistic boys can do that :P

    bit by bit prob for plans for a distant future together, if you thinking about it yourself, if he is up to, he will probably surprise you there