I am sick of not understanding what I have done wrong

I grew up being shouted at. Only, no one knew I was autistic.

The worst problem is I remember too much. Many NTs have a short term memory when it comes to issues or problems. And pretty much every single unresolved issue haunts me. I'm 46 now, I'm not going to stop being hyper-aware or hyper-sensory and I'm not going to know how to respond immediately, which can make someone shouting at me even more angry. But when have I purposely set you off and intentionally done harm, and when are you simply out of control? When does shouting cross the line. Perhaps Everyone Involved can learn to take a step back. Write down their frustrations and thoughtfully problem-solve one issue at a time. 

But there are some things I wish I knew when I was younger to help other help us all get along a little better. Those who are responsible for us, are responsible for speaking in ways we can understand. 

Please help me prioritise. What is important. Health isn't replaceable and school has a time limit. Does your mum have additional things she needs from you? Can you pin a To Do (short) list on your door? Can she agree on a few particular things per week? If she needs help what initiative can you take and make your job.

Please help me with language. Passive aggression is not good for the soul. Also, my telepathy skills are wanting. I can't read your mind. Just be blunt / direct, it won't hurt my feelings, it will help!

Please help me with relationship. I wanted to invest in a few good friends but I didn't know how to choose them and also assert proper boundaries with people I felt uncomfortable around. I needed practical ideas for how to invest in a friend like 'always bring something' or: afford the other their own unique problem without having to have also experienced it, just nod and say I'm sorry you had to go through that. And If I experienced something similar, I can bring it up at a different date. Relationships can be different. A friend we're on common ground with and responsible with each other. A parent is responsible for a child (hopefully they become a mentor) - Help me understand my role. 

I grew up being shouted at. Only, no one knew I was autistic.

The worst problem is I remember too much. Many NTs have a short term memory when it comes to issues or problems. And pretty much every single unresolved issue haunts me. I'm 46 now, I'm not going to stop being hyper-aware or hyper-sensory and I'm not going to know how to respond immediately, which can make someone shouting at me even more angry. But when have I purposely set you off and intentionally done harm, and when are you simply out of control? When does shouting cross the line. Perhaps Everyone Involved can learn to take a step back. Write down their frustrations and thoughtfully problem-solve one issue at a time. 

But there are some things I wish I knew when I was younger to help other help us all get along a little better. Those who are responsible for us, are responsible for speaking in ways we can understand. 

Please help me prioritise. What is important. Health isn't replaceable and school has a time limit. Does your mum have additional things she needs from you? Can you pin a To Do (short) list on your door? Can she agree on a few particular things per week? If she needs help what initiative can you take and make your job.

Please help me with language. Passive aggression is not good for the soul. Also, my telepathy skills are wanting. I can't read your mind. Just be blunt / direct, it won't hurt my feelings, it will help!

Please help me with relationship. I wanted to invest in a few good friends but I didn't know how to choose them and also assert proper boundaries with people I felt uncomfortable around. I needed practical ideas for how to invest in a friend like 'always bring something' or: afford the other their own unique problem without having to have also experienced it, just nod and say I'm sorry you had to go through that. And If I experienced something similar, I can bring it up at a different date. Relationships can be different. A friend we're on common ground with and responsible with each other. A parent is responsible for a child (hopefully they become a mentor) - Help me understand my role.