Sex within a relationship

We think my husband might have Autism, he is on a waiting list to see someone.

The problem is I have a very high sex drive and he doesn't seem to have one at all. We have been together for 11 years and I always thought things would get better, but they haven't.

Finally today he has said one of the reasons is he doesn't like the smell of me down there, I'm not dirty and I don't notice a smell, so I explained to him that its natural for there to be a smell down there.

I also asked him if there is anything I can do to help him and he said no, he just needs to get over this by himself.

He said he has no idea how he is going to get over it and after always being like this, I can't see how he can just get over it.

I would be grateful for any advice on this.

  •  I have the opposite problem. I am an autistic man with a relatively high sex-drive, married to a neurotypical woman with a low one. I therefore have quite a lot of sympathy for you. It is an unfortunate  fact that the person in a relationship with the lower sex-drive is effectively in charge of the frequency of sexual relations, frustrating as this is. To address your particular problem, smells can be sources of sensory overload for autistic people; for me triggers include very heavy use of perfume, certain types of perfume and tobacco smoke. If your husband is not triggered by perfumes then lighting perfumed candles might be an idea. Also, a small amount of something like Vick's vaporub under your husband's nose might be effective, as unromantic as that might seem.

  • It's a problem that eases with age!

  • What having a high sex drive?  

  • Yep.

    As a man ages the testosterone goes down and finally the main brain gets a chance to call the shots! 

    I'm 60, I know this!

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