A revelation about getting on with people

Hmm, tricky.

In all honesty, I'm oblivious to a lot of stuff, autistically self-centred (special interests) so I either don't have much to say and stand there in awkward silence, make my excuses and leave, or I steer the conversation in a direction I want it to go. That usually ends conversations pretty quickly.

There is some utility in being oblivious to the needs and interests of others.

I always explain myself, but I don't have a problem with it. I am literally interested in my own interests and how that fits into the world around me.

That might sound arrogant or egotistical, but that's not how I mean it. More like my autism makes me the centre of my own universe.

But I do try to treat everyone with the appropriate level of courtesy.

I also think, we hold people to our own expectations of ourselves. When everyone has their own individual expectation, these more often than not, will not match with ours. Once I realised this, it made some things in life easier. Someone's 100% might be the same as my 50% and that's ok.

I'm trying to say that we view others through our own lens of ourselves and when they don't match this we can be frustrated or disappointed.

btw I met my husband when I was at my very lowest, planning to kill myself soon. I had been through a terrible experience, I hated life and myself. Yet I met a wonderful man who loved me when I didn't love myself, nowhere near.

How did that happen then?

I kind of agree but I think life is more random than that. Things happen and you deal with them. it doesn't matter what attitude you have or how positive or negative you are.

So many times I've been feeling negative, yet had a wonderful experience with nice people.

So many times I've been feeling positive, yet had a terrible time with horrible people.

It hasn't mattered what my attitude was to things, they just happen.

You are a sweetheart mrs.snooks  

What about "long talk" when you can't get away? Or when you go to collect a parcel and 30 minutes later you're still in the house having a cup of tea? Or you go outside to unwind with gardening and they start telling you that you're doing it wrong?! Or you constantly feel in any conversation that you have to justify or explain yourself?! They're nice people at the end of the day but not my cup of tea.

I've learned with those closest to ask again. No, really,  HOW are you? But that's with my besties. 

I've worked hard to make friends with them e.g. sending Christmas and Easter cards every year. Remembering their names and details about them. I'm not close friends but we always say hi and have a chat.

Being isolated is so bad for humans.

If you interact well with neighbours' pets, that's half the battle. The neighbours will trust you.

At work 9-5 of course. And often working at weekends and in the evening etc. He had to support us because I was unable to work. I didn't know anyone else locally. His big family did nothing to help us.

You're very right!

same goes for other animals, and us compared with NTs.

it's because we start interaction with open credit, we don't require others to prove themselves first. it's works only until you get hurt, same with animals. NTs until you prove your worth don't care much about you, and would hurt you without blinking twice.

cats after initial introduction come to me on their own later :P

it is easier to befriend a cat than human

I have a few neighbour cat friends that come and say hi occasionally. I definitely know the name of next door's cat which is Caesar, but I don't know the other ones. 

It's nice when they let you pet them isn't it! 

Aladdin_Sane_26 said:

better at interacting with the neighbour's cats

me too

Yeah I'm replying to you :) That's great that you have such supportive neighbours! I can empathise that getting to the 'being friends with people' stage is difficult. My parents are very natural at talking with our neighbours whereas I struggle to interact with them. I'm honestly better at interacting with the neighbour's cats than with the people. But I'm hoping to improve my surface level conversation skills, then I can hope to interact with most neighbours I have in the future.

It is, Exist, and yet it seems beyond the comprehension of most. It's so simple. This leads me to conclude that, secretly, people secretly actually enjoy the security of misery and trauma. It's familiar and comfortable. And it provides endless opportunity to talk about themselves. We can dine out on our trauma for years and years. But, it's not their fault entirely.  We live in a topsy-turvy world where everything we're taught is backwards.

When people tell me they wish they could meet someone who loves them, or understands them, my response is: you first. It's unreasonable and nonsensical to expect other people to do what you can't.

I've been searching through your thread for this comment! 

Be myself, all alone. I have one husband and one daughter, no one else seems to like me. Hey ho.

I think you are very much liked here.

Let us be alone, together. Then it will feel less. xx

Excellent stuff 

When I'm down, I treat people like sh*t

When I'm up, I treat people well.

Pretty simple formula to work out.

Where was your husband during this time?

I don't think it's sad, Kiki, not when you think about it logically and are able to break the conditioning of falsehoods. 

If someone likes themselves, they are incapable of disliking others. If someone is kind to themselves, they are incapable of being unkind to others. That's world peace. It starts within. 

I'm not religious, but it really is the original meaning of the phrase: treat others as you want to be treated. But, sadly, like everything else, its original meaning has been distorted to its opposite. 

Life is simple.

Choice 1#: You don't like yourself. You have good and bad experiences. You ignore the good ones and focus on the bad ones. This causes you to dislike yourself more. You then treat others as you treat yourself and you dislike them. Your world is hostile.

Choice 2# You like yourself. You have good and bad experiences. You ignore the bad ones and focus on the good ones. This causes you to like yourself more. You then treat others as you treat yourself and you like them. Your world is welcoming.