Published on 12, July, 2020
I've realised that people prefer it if I start with pleasantries, not just going straight to the point of what I want to say.
e.g. just now I went to get my recycling bin after it had been emptied. At least I thought it was my bin. I saw my neighbour getting into his car so I called 'is this my bin?' He looked blankly at me and said, 'hello, how are you? Haven't seen you for a while.' I was confused, I needed to know if that bin was mine or his. He was confused because he hadn't seen me for a while and wanted to say hello, not talk about bins.
Then it dawned on me, ta dahhhhhhhhhh! I should have said 'hello how are you?' Before launching into the questions about the bin.
I like to get straight to the point, never mind chit chat. Most humans prefer the chit chat first.
I hope this has been helpful
I'm new here and I've just been having a look around the Community pages, and I found this discussion. I think I've been masking for too long because I have the "chit-chat" ingrained into me - I can do the whole "hi how are you doing?" etc but it isn't what I want generally - I would rather ask/offer a genuine comment or just be silent. I spent most of my time at school being quiet, so much so I was branded "the quietest girl in the whole year group"...yikes! Anyway, my point is that silence comes naturally to me. I can really understand your situation here, chit chat is such an obstruction and I also find there's something in British culture that just expects it - we are so polite and 'nice' and it can be so stifling. I don't mean that in a weird or rude way, I just feel like its part of our conditioning, or at least the neurotypical conditioning. I wish I could be more direct, I think it is actually more my natural state, but I'm so scared of being found out, being rejected, of losing people too - that I usually just keep the mask on and smile and make myself talk. I really admire you for getting straight to things. I haven't reached that point, yet.
Oh yes, I understand about wanting to be direct. But people don't like it. I wonder if it's English and Americans though? Many Europeans are extremely direct e.g. Dutch. Maybe directness works better in other countries.