Published on 12, July, 2020
I've realised that people prefer it if I start with pleasantries, not just going straight to the point of what I want to say.
e.g. just now I went to get my recycling bin after it had been emptied. At least I thought it was my bin. I saw my neighbour getting into his car so I called 'is this my bin?' He looked blankly at me and said, 'hello, how are you? Haven't seen you for a while.' I was confused, I needed to know if that bin was mine or his. He was confused because he hadn't seen me for a while and wanted to say hello, not talk about bins.
Then it dawned on me, ta dahhhhhhhhhh! I should have said 'hello how are you?' Before launching into the questions about the bin.
I like to get straight to the point, never mind chit chat. Most humans prefer the chit chat first.
I hope this has been helpful
NT communication 101! Think of 3 things you couldn’t careless about, and say that before asking the real question.
”hi, how are you? how are the kids getting on at school? weather has been terrible hasn’t it? By the way….?
I find I can ask the questions, but I struggle to make my tone of voice or facial expressions sound and look actually interested.
this made me laugh thanks
I find KikiCat's comments hilarious most of the time real talent in cheering up autistic
I am done with forum and social media controversies etc. I am bored of trolls and all those types. I used to get sucked into it all but I just mute/block now. It's a shame we can't block people on this forum, or can we?
FWIW I quite like what I've read of your posts. You also handled someone attempting to suck you into a recent forum controversy involving myself very well.
I can't follow this damm board. Do you mean how I met my husband? I was pretty lucky. I think we don't acknowledge how great a part luck plays in our lives.
I wish the comments were more clearly linked.
I kind of agree with you but again with reservations. Events like when friends/ relatives die horribly, or people are murdered or abused etc. If these things happen, they are undeniably bad and there's no interpreting or growing.
Such as, my friend's one year old baby died suddenly in his cot. How is that positive or a source of learning or growing? It's just awful.
My dad died horribly from leukaemia when I was 13, the same as above.
The Manchester Ariana Grande concert bombing, the same as above.
I think some events are just negative, nothing positive about them.
Minor events in life, maybe, but seeing everything as neutral would lead to people shrugging and saying 'oh well, let's not tighten gun laws' or whatever.
That's beautiful to hear. An inspiration in fact!
Yes, you're absolutely right, Kiki. Things just happen. How we interpret them is what makes our experience positive or negative. There is something to learn and a source of growth for us in every experience. Someone once said that nothing is good or bad, but only as good or bad as our interpretation of it.
I also think, we hold people to our own expectations of ourselves. When everyone has their own individual expectation, these more often than not, will not match with ours. Once I realised this, it made some things in life easier. Someone's 100% might be the same as my 50% and that's ok.
I'm trying to say that we view others through our own lens of ourselves and when they don't match this we can be frustrated or disappointed.
btw I met my husband when I was at my very lowest, planning to kill myself soon. I had been through a terrible experience, I hated life and myself. Yet I met a wonderful man who loved me when I didn't love myself, nowhere near.
How did that happen then?
I kind of agree but I think life is more random than that. Things happen and you deal with them. it doesn't matter what attitude you have or how positive or negative you are.
So many times I've been feeling negative, yet had a wonderful experience with nice people.
So many times I've been feeling positive, yet had a terrible time with horrible people.
It hasn't mattered what my attitude was to things, they just happen.
You are a sweetheart mrs.snooks
It is, Exist, and yet it seems beyond the comprehension of most. It's so simple. This leads me to conclude that, secretly, people secretly actually enjoy the security of misery and trauma. It's familiar and comfortable. And it provides endless opportunity to talk about themselves. We can dine out on our trauma for years and years. But, it's not their fault entirely. We live in a topsy-turvy world where everything we're taught is backwards. When people tell me they wish they could meet someone who loves them, or understands them, my response is: you first. It's unreasonable and nonsensical to expect other people to do what you can't.
I've been searching through your thread for this comment!
Be myself, all alone. I have one husband and one daughter, no one else seems to like me. Hey ho.
I think you are very much liked here.
Let us be alone, together. Then it will feel less. xx
Excellent stuff
When I'm down, I treat people like sh*t
When I'm up, I treat people well.
Pretty simple formula to work out.