Published on 12, July, 2020
I've realised that people prefer it if I start with pleasantries, not just going straight to the point of what I want to say.
e.g. just now I went to get my recycling bin after it had been emptied. At least I thought it was my bin. I saw my neighbour getting into his car so I called 'is this my bin?' He looked blankly at me and said, 'hello, how are you? Haven't seen you for a while.' I was confused, I needed to know if that bin was mine or his. He was confused because he hadn't seen me for a while and wanted to say hello, not talk about bins.
Then it dawned on me, ta dahhhhhhhhhh! I should have said 'hello how are you?' Before launching into the questions about the bin.
I like to get straight to the point, never mind chit chat. Most humans prefer the chit chat first.
I hope this has been helpful
Sometimes I don't want pleasantries!
Same here. I never want pleasantries. I want to get straight to the point, get on with business etc.
But if I want to have a harmonious conversation and not get the usual blank stares, mockery and incomprehension, I'm going to have to start with pleasantries. Annoying but I'm so, so tired of being confused by conversations.
A neighbour in lockdown had a book stall outside her house. I went over and knocked on to tell her what I was taking. She said she was getting rid because her cafe had closed. I was just like "oh right ok". When really I shouldve asked more and maybe offered apologies for her situation. To me it was a transaction of information "these are the books I'm takimg"
Im mostly happy with a "hi, alright". But some people take this too far and tell me too much. I think it can work both ways.
Also, with people i only see occasionally, I can only get to know them if they are more forthcoming with me. I don't know how to open things up. I have a friend who, when we went to thr butty shop, said to the guy at the counter "hiya Daniel, how's your mum?" She only knew him and his mum from going in there. I've been going to the same small supermarket for 4 years. I tried building it up once with an assistant I liked but didn't really know what to do. It baffles me how people can be so chatty.
yes, it's hard but I've decided to start with pleasantries rather than straight to the business topic. If I remember that simple rule I might do better.