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Difficult situation! Any advice?

Liv

Hello everyone,

There is a slight story to this but I'd appreciate it if you read it and gave me some advice if you can. Please don't judge me too harshly!

Around a year ago, a girl told me she wanted to be my friend. I'd never had a friend before and I knew I should want them so I said, "Of course." Seeing us together, it was clear that this was a bad idea from the word go, but we had something in common at the time (this being another issue entirely). Anyway, for a while I made an effort with her. She told me I could talk to her whenever I liked and I took her literally, which I now realise was unfair.

For a while she was incredibly patient and supportive as I told her various things about my life, but when I got round to telling her I was going through an AS diagnostic procedure, she turned on me. Her exact words were, "You're such a liar, honestly, the fact that you'll go to that extreme for attention is just sick. There are special needs kids out there and if one of them heard you they would be so upset. You make me sick." And, of course, I was telling the truth.

I just lost it with her. Her words upset me so much. I vowed to her that one day I'd prove it to her. And every day since I got the diagnosis months ago, I have thought of her and how my diagnosis report is kept safe and accessible to me. I've been meaning to take it into school to show her by way of proof and explanation, to make her apologise, but every time I mean to something stops me. I wonder if it would be the right thing to do after all. Which leaves me wondering...is it the right thing to do? Have any of you been in a similar situation? Or can you imagine yourself doing this? I would greatly appreciate any advice.

Thank you for your time,

Liv Smile

  • She sounds like a horrid girl if i am honest, i have a feeling that even if you present her with your diagnoses info she would still have a "smart mouth" answer for you.

    If i were you, i would attempt to put it down to a lesson learned, some people are just mean. I hope you find a new friend xx

  • How will you feel if, instead of apologising she gives you more abuse? I think that is the more likely outcome.

    People are not logical and sometimes we get the oposite reaction to what we would expect from clarifying things, and that distresses all over again.

    How would you feel if you never told her?

    I would give yourself some time. Don't rush into it. If she is not in your life now is it worth doing?

    You have probably realised now it is not such a good idea to tell someone everything until you know them well.

  • Simple advice is to consider what you would like as an outcome while accepting that you may not get the response you desire-you will have closure either way.

    Example a girl I was friendly with who was computer geek and pretty and smart- at the time i had a girlfriend and although I wish i had asked the person mentioned above out. When I did want to I found she had moved abroad.

    I sent an email as I expressed my feelings and she explained she had started a new life in another country and was happy.

    So with my partner of 8 years, I have two children, sure I think about the good times with my friend who moved abroad.

    But I have closure on the subject.

    So you could consider attempting to resolve unfinished situation, but shouldn't hope your get anything more than closure.

    Be proud of who you are and honest to yourself and others-our harshest critic can only be ourselves. 

  • Sounds like the formation of an autistic loose thread,, in my world I try to balance out any error with the abstract in my mind, so the truth is know by all. This means I ruminated on a point of principle, whilst the NTs just move on to the next item.

    In your case the truth is know,, TO YOU and now us who read. The fact that there was an emotion to mind attachment with your friend makes it harder for you. Her Apology, the world does not work that way because she is ignorant to the truth, so just because you enlighten her does not guarantee an apology or HAVE THE AWARENESS to understand your position or condition. She sounds immature.

    If it is still bugging you, let people around her know your situation if you WISH to share further information they it becomes available for discussion,  not judgement nor proof, YOU DO NOT NEED TO PROVE ANYTHING !