Recommendation please: Assessment of girls

she didnt diagnose me. she did a friend  (below)-- he said she was very kind and produced a good report and is very well respected in the field of autism.

S1mon

(left some time ago)

I wouldn't worry so much. What's the worst that could happen? With assessments, you can always get another opinion, these aren't locked in stone. It might be a headache, but I'd think long-term.

DiQ said:

I'm struggling with this is a huge case of imposter syndrome and wondering if it's all in my head

Here's the thing - I'm not sure I really understand 'Imposter Syndrome'. As far as I can see it's a NeruoTypical term which 20-30 year olds without the wisdom of age like to use to virtue signal to each other. Every angle I look at it or hear about it, it's just still this NT tribal code pretending to be 'authentic'. So I'm not too sure what to do with it.

I do know this. At some point I decided to harness and use Doubt as a tool of reasoning. It serves a valuable purpose. It keeps us from blind arrogance, from the dunning kruger effect, from being presumptuous. It allows purposeful and deductive reasoning. Doubt is really an excellent freind if you think about it. And I think once I embraced that, I didn't mind being incorrect or putting in order several additional back-up plans. If one doesn't work? It's not the end of the world. There are really very few things in life one needs to be precision with. Credit. Being trustworthy. Kindness. I can't think of much more. And also I'm not a surgeon. 

I wasn't afforded an official diagnotstic. In the States you do not get to have one after a certain age and my mother may have ADHD and my father might also be autistic. That combination seems oddly typical. However, I'm finally in the process now in the UK, though I've had several therapists confirm being on the Spectrum, my mother ask if I had Asbergers in my late 30's (she's American, and as if I could afford something like that there!) and my closest friends agree I'm defiinetly autistic. My half sister's father got her diagnosed, she has less of an ability to mask. But she has options now and help. I just ended up depending on the kindness of strangers for years. There was a LOT of heartbreak and unnecessary difficulty I experienced most of my life that, had I tools for understanding what I was capable of and what my limits were, perhaps it would've looked very different. But here I am! 

Thank you @aidie. What did you find particularly good about this person, please? Will have a look at her website, much appreciated!

JuniperFromGallifrey

Thank you for your reply. Did you get an official diagnosis? I believe I'm possibly on the spectrum and my partner is most likely ADHD. It's been a long hard slog so far, totally excruciatingly exhausting but at least I haven't suffered from insomnia so much since being together because I've been physically spent. That said I'm knackered right now but my mind is buzzing because we just had a bit of a debate so I'm on here... I've been wondering about what the right thing to do is. I think part of the reason I'm struggling with this is a huge case of imposter syndrome and wondering if it's all in my head plus being afraid someone's going to put a wrong label on my kids if it's someone who ends up just ticking boxes and there not being the right ones available to tick... Sorry for the ramble!

LongSpoons Thank you so much for your reply. We haven't started an EHCP process as I've been home educating the kids since my daughter had a regression when she started nursery. It was going well and so my second child has never been to school. I think things have been going reasonably well because of that - I've always taken a very child-led approach. But I started looking more seriously into diagnosis because my 3rd child seems to be more NT and I'm only just realising how different that is!

Also, I guess the pandemic has really put things into sharp relief and I've had the space to think about things more without all the social pressures and trying so hard to fit all the social expectations. I'm finding it increasingly difficult and isolating though and it's also tough realising how few of the friendships we thought we had were genuine.

May I ask what you mean by the emergency plan you mentioned? I'm interested to know how it's been for you without a diagnosis. It seems socially you've got good support?

I hope I'm not asking to many/personal questions.

Wow. She sounds very creative!

if you are willing to travel this person ( also recommended by NAS ) is  excellent. She probably can do video assessments as well.

Dr Kate Baldry, Northampton

www.northantspsychologist.co.uk/

She also reads and writes a lot (maybe 5000 words a day) I think she’s got dozens of half finished manuscripts but I think that’s also her masking process. I think this is a brilliant place for her to be as she will have the opportunity to build her own world how she wants it.

As a woman I would've loved to have a diagnostic as a child. Although, not having a reason for all of these frustrations in life did end up driving a remarkable amount of investigation that perhaps I may not have discovered otherwise. 

I'm still single and in my 40's. I tend to either attract men who are ADHD and exhausting to be around or ones who are hyper-NT and a bit predatory. I've learned the ADHD ones are more safe.

I took a logic class which really helped with language and improv classes which helped with social situations and yoga / acrobatics which helped with motor skills. Learning to engage my senses, not be rushed, and really fine-tune my perceptions by not allowing others to dismiss them (which happens all the time to females in society) has done wonders for my perception of self. It's important for girls to understand their limits and strengths to be able to ward off what society will throw at them. Just my thoughts!

I 'stem' through music as well. Do you think she might be interested in not just singing but collecting music by recording and then playing it over and over in her headphones? A path toward music production and can be a good outlet as well as a career path where she could be more her natural self and still accepted.

We have held back getting my son diagnosed for years, we felt it wouldn’t change things so it wasn’t worth the energy, then we had a really bad experience with a change of head teacher and found out that if he needed a place at a specialist centre he needed a diagnosis so we are waiting for a reputable private assessment. 

We also have a daughter who I think has Autism and one of the best masking capabilities I’ve ever seen, she stems by singing which is problematic for me but all in all she’s pretty awesome, we aren’t getting her assessed but have spoken about her brother quite a bit and have an emergency plan just in case.

we’ve always looked at what benefits there are to diagnosis, with hindsight I’d say as soon as anyone mentions behavioural issues it’s time to diagnose as they need the protection it will bring.

Where are you in the EHCP process?