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Very annoying name 'habit'

NAS49761

Hello again, wow, this is the most amount of 'socialising' I've done in, well, since I last came here.

Before it dies out, another question.

I have an extremely annoying habit of saying a person's name either at the beginning or end of every sentence and I absolutely hate it, but I can't stop it.

In my last job, some of my colleagues avoided speaking to me for this reason and my long time friend has even said to me you've known me all this time, stop with the name!

I did try to speak to an OT about it once but rightly,  she said I have much bigger problems to attend to, that made me laugh, but I am very curious.

Is it some kind of 'tic' or 'compulsion'? Does this happen to anyone else?

  • in reply to JuniperFromGallifrey

    Hello JFG - sorry that's just a bit too long for me!

    That is very interesting indeed, it was a small office I worked in at the time (although I have not seen The Office show). 

    What a great example of how communication can be so easily misunderstood and also another's motives.

    I'm not sure I'd manage that book though, but I can see how it would be helpful for you in something like business. It was an area of my job which really let me down, I was very good at other aspects of it, but the networking, building and maintaining relationships was a major downfall.

    The last psychiatrist I spoke to said "life is all about managing relationships", and then nothing, it was only much later as usual when I had the thought I would have liked to have replied, "ok, so tell me how I do that then".

  • in reply to M

    Thanks Michelle, that's actually very nice to hear that as since then its certainly made me feel more anxious about talking to people verbally.

  • The complexity I think you may be running into is that NTs do this as an aggressive dominance tactic. I think Ricky Gervais used this power-tool in The Office. It’s a way of asserting ones authority over another. 

    Ive has males use this command-use of language on me specifically when they become angry. 

    Now, after enough research, including peeling through The 48 Laws Of Power (rather vomit-y book), I’ve decided I cannot possibly always be mindful about every ridiculous tool NTs use to control one another. But it has been helpful for me, in business, to be mindful I don’t communicate the wrong thing. 

  • I don't do it to this extent but I've observed I use people's names a lot more than others people seem to do. I wonder if its so I know I've got their attention...could it be compensatory for not noticing body language that someone is listening? Or compensatory for our body language? "Hey! It's you I'm talking to!" It might just be a certain communication style. i do it with my partner and there's only the two of us here. It's not like I'm aiming my speech at anyone else!

  • Bit of a strong reaction to not want to speak to you for that reason. I can see how it could be seen as odd or annoying, but it's completely harmless from what I can see?! 

  • I tend to only use names when I'm calling someone to get their attention. I think this is because I don't like hearing my name being repeatedly used. I'm also sensitive to how people say my name. My husband is banned, with his north London accent and the emphasis placed on particular letter sounds, he makes my name sound harsh and I really don't like it. Instead he uses many different pet names.

  • in reply to aidie

    Hello aidie, interestingly, a relative has ADHD and Tourette Syndrome, this is why I asked if some kind of 'tic' as it is similar in nature but I definitely don't have Tourette Syndrome.

  • I really notice when people do this - some who I think are on the spectrum and some not.

    Maybe it is just the way some people speak?

    (I don't get it, of course but, as you say... there is sooo much else going on to not get...)

  • possibly a type of Tourette syndrome at a guess. I sat beside a guy who had Tourrette for a year and that is what it is like.