My daughter is 28 and has autism

This sounds like a hard situation for everyone. 

Being a mother of a 24 year old, I have always felt it's my job to give my son room to express, be messy, moody, uncertain - everything. So he can get it out around someone safe who will always think the world of him no matter what. We all need this. Sometimes that's all that's needed to embrace everything else life throws at him. I'm not his friend, I'm his mum and that means mentor, semi-pro therapist, support, sandwich maker. 

My father is undiagnosed but my mother (they've been divorced for 40 years) initially believed I had caught Aspergers from him. He and I can be dark, can argue, can even yell at each other which my step mother terms abusive but my son thinks it's our way of expressing deep sadness  and simply missing one another and I think my son is right. We don't get to see each other much. When humans hurt, they can appear grotesque, repulsive, monstrous. Loving someone into something beautiful is no small task. Believing someone into becoming is also nothing easy - depending on what you're committed to.

The world is a cruel place. If we all had just one or two humans who could see what we're capable of, teach us how to respect by respecting us, offer us grace when we didn't deserve it, and kindness when we were messy, what humans would we be then be? I'm not suggesting caving into demands, but creating an ethical standard and leading by example. My grandparents were always the Elders/Mentors/like mystical giving humans but with kind and appropriate limits to my father and that taught me I can always help my son into becoming. 

I might ask: what do you want. Is she 'moody' or without purpose, feeling unseen and unsure how to ask for connexion... Every time I personally commit to growth, my son grows. You have a right to retreat, though. We all need this to gain perspective.

This sounds like a hard situation for everyone. 

Being a mother of a 24 year old, I have always felt it's my job to give my son room to express, be messy, moody, uncertain - everything. So he can get it out around someone safe who will always think the world of him no matter what. We all need this. Sometimes that's all that's needed to embrace everything else life throws at him. I'm not his friend, I'm his mum and that means mentor, semi-pro therapist, support, sandwich maker. 

My father is undiagnosed but my mother (they've been divorced for 40 years) initially believed I had caught Aspergers from him. He and I can be dark, can argue, can even yell at each other which my step mother terms abusive but my son thinks it's our way of expressing deep sadness  and simply missing one another and I think my son is right. We don't get to see each other much. When humans hurt, they can appear grotesque, repulsive, monstrous. Loving someone into something beautiful is no small task. Believing someone into becoming is also nothing easy - depending on what you're committed to.

The world is a cruel place. If we all had just one or two humans who could see what we're capable of, teach us how to respect by respecting us, offer us grace when we didn't deserve it, and kindness when we were messy, what humans would we be then be? I'm not suggesting caving into demands, but creating an ethical standard and leading by example. My grandparents were always the Elders/Mentors/like mystical giving humans but with kind and appropriate limits to my father and that taught me I can always help my son into becoming. 

I might ask: what do you want. Is she 'moody' or without purpose, feeling unseen and unsure how to ask for connexion... Every time I personally commit to growth, my son grows. You have a right to retreat, though. We all need this to gain perspective.