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No peace and quiet in society!!!

Hope

I live in my own housing association flat, which I have done for 6 months now. The flat itself is brilliant, I can't fault it, and there is no-where else that would surpass it. For this I am grateful, and realise that many are in a far worse position than me.

However, the above being true, I have to get this off my chest because it is making me very stressed.  My flat is far noisier at night-time than my parent's house, where I still spend the weekends - I need peace and quiet in order to recuperate!. The problem is that cars drive past my ground-floor flat constantly, and the noise prevents me from relaxing, something that I find hard to do anyway. On Friday night, a car woke me up at 2am, and a dog was barking. I feel tired as a result, and can only refresh myself after sleeping at my parent's house on Saturday and Sunday night. I had never before realized how much I take quietude at night for granted, because I have had no real noise issues before - apart from when my brother played loud music, preventing me from concentrating on my reading.

I also hear the neighbour everytime she has visitors (I can even hear what she is saying), and every time she turns the taps on or flushes the toilet, I hear it. She must hear me too, and it makes me feel rather paranoid  and unable to fully relax in my own home. Sometimes she walks around at night, and this wakes me up.

Any advice?

  • autismtwo: I think your strategy sounds very sensible. You will get to know your neighbours comings and goings and sound habits. I hope it helps. Smile

  • We need familiar surroundings because we have an incomplete ego. The egos gives a high sense of indentity which protects your psyche in the world, aka LOOK AT ME MOM ! I am the king of the castle ! Wink

    I am experimenting with just being in the house and doing things slowly, this may sound stupid, but I pretend I am stuck in a cell and have to make the best of it and put lots stuff in the house which have some home glue meaning to me, during my time,. because if not I just get up and go...,, and never really settle there. Pretending you know the neighbour maybe will relax you more and when she is in your house(so to say) by her living soundings. Deliberately flush your toilet, when you hear her, it will bring you back to you. Smile

     

     

  • autismtwo: I think familiarity has got a lot to do with it. I sometimes dread going back to my flat after the weekend because I will have to fend for myself again, amongst the noise. But I feel bad about admitting this because there is so much I should be grateful for, which I am, but I can't help the fact that background noise bothers me. Because I have grown up in a very quiet semi-detached house, I am struggling to adjust to apartment life. I resent having to worry about my noise possibly disrupting my neighbour, but I am exceptionally quiet in order to abide by the tenancy agreement, which I rigidly adhere to. However, because I know that the walls are paper-thin, I feel annoyed that even playing music at a normal volume might be heard by the neighbour above me. So I play my music quieter than I would like to, and I resent this. But it seems that the neighbour above me does not care about my need for quietude because she walks around at night, disturbing me. Of course, I don't think this is so much her fault as the fact that there is minimal sound insulation. It can feel as though there is no privacy, and I experience the noise as in invasion of my space, in my own home.

  • I would try adding some background sound that you find pleasant,

    if you dont like music maybe a water feature or fishtank with air bubbles ?

     

    Try not to think about the noise, it will reinforce your annoyance and anxiety if you concentrate on it. Distract yourself or use it as a trigger to do something positive.

  • I know exactly how you feel Hope.

    I'm perhaps not a senstive to noise as you and my flat is possible more sound proofed (thankfully it was built back when they still built nice thick, insulated, walls in flats).

    But, when I first moved in to my flat (about two years ago now) I found every little sound, from the local kids, my neighbours, and the various passers-by outside, to be, at times, unbearable.

    However, as time has gone on either it has become quieter (possible but unlikely) or I have adjusted and no longer notice the less intrusive noises (some still do intrude and bother me, but much less now than when I first moved in).

    Hopefully you will, in time, find the same.

    And it is good that you have somewhere (your parents house) to which you can retreat.

    My parents live 100 miles away from me, and I do not drive, so visiting them on a weekly basis is not practical.

  • Hope ~ your parents house was familar to you. So you are using it as a benchmark to measure relative from. I suggest a radio on or music at a low level as background noise for you. Hopefully over time,, your mind will tune out more. Ear pads for night or a beta-blocker maybe help. You are suffering from noise polution and autism sensory sensitivity, you can only find ways of balancing it out. I have similar problems, but my support worker thinks it will lessen in time if I concentrate on more things to do at home, "so it is me making the noise and having people over and my friends/ family are driving there cars away at night making the noise".., 6 months is not a long-time to settle in with autism in a new home.

    Talk, talk, flush, flush, beep, beep, bark, bark,,, Hope is at home. Smile