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Issues in the bedroom

NAS72600

Hi, my husband, who I have been with for 11 years now has been in touch with doctors about being referred for a assessment for Autism.

Basically I'm trying to understand things from my husbands point of view.  We have had a rough time, we are both having counselling for our separate issues, I have not been very patient and understanding with my with husband and have got angry and annoyed with him quite easily and not been understanding due to the fact I was previously in a physically abusive relationship for 13 years, I have learned how to try and keep calm and think before I open my mouth ( not always successful, but loads better than I was.

Anyway one of the big issues we have is sex and my husband struggling to talk about it. I have a very high sex drive and his is very low.   I always seem to come onto him and he never comes onto me, he likes to plan when we will do it, which I do go along with but not really happy about this as more often than not I will be getting excited thinking we are going to have sex and then he has changed his mind and we don't have sex.    I would like it to be spontaneous and him to come onto me, but that never happens, I know before he said he was worried that he would come onto me and maybe I might not want to have sex, I said I'm always up for sex and in the very rare chance I'm not then I would tell him.

I just wondered if anyone could  give us and ideas/suggestions on how to work through this issue.

Parents

  • Hi it's hard to suggest things for you and your husband because obviously I'm not you. so I can only tell you what I know works for me.

    I'm 22, male so naturally my sex drive is high so I relate to you from your point of view when you're in the mood but there's not much you can do about it. So I'm hoping what I'm about to say may help you and your husband

    I'm autistic and my main sensory "issue" that I have is my hearing, it's very sensitive and I can't block out background noise so I can be distracted very easily, my smell is also sensitive but not like my hearing. When I comes to sex there is lots of sounds for many different reasons I'm sure you already know and smells too not so much but that changes for various reasons. My last relationship I was with my gf for two years I didn't know that I was autistic at the time but I had a lot of issues when it came to my sensory sensitivities as time went on and we got more comfortable we'd play music so that would help with my hearing and there are products you can buy that are scented so that helps too and also scented candles.

    So if your husband is autistic and is prone to sensory overload or sensitivity and he can tell you what bothers him or distracts him you can do things to help alleviate those issues.

    O

  • in reply to O

    Hi O

    Thank you for your reply. I think we are going to give playing music ago, as my husband also has tinnitus, so music will help block that out. 

  • in reply to NAS72600

    You're welcome, and remember have fun :)

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