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Issues in the bedroom

NAS72600

Hi, my husband, who I have been with for 11 years now has been in touch with doctors about being referred for a assessment for Autism.

Basically I'm trying to understand things from my husbands point of view.  We have had a rough time, we are both having counselling for our separate issues, I have not been very patient and understanding with my with husband and have got angry and annoyed with him quite easily and not been understanding due to the fact I was previously in a physically abusive relationship for 13 years, I have learned how to try and keep calm and think before I open my mouth ( not always successful, but loads better than I was.

Anyway one of the big issues we have is sex and my husband struggling to talk about it. I have a very high sex drive and his is very low.   I always seem to come onto him and he never comes onto me, he likes to plan when we will do it, which I do go along with but not really happy about this as more often than not I will be getting excited thinking we are going to have sex and then he has changed his mind and we don't have sex.    I would like it to be spontaneous and him to come onto me, but that never happens, I know before he said he was worried that he would come onto me and maybe I might not want to have sex, I said I'm always up for sex and in the very rare chance I'm not then I would tell him.

I just wondered if anyone could  give us and ideas/suggestions on how to work through this issue.

Parents

  • Hiya

    There can be a number of problems and solutions.    First is how tactile is he?   Does he like being touched, is he over-sensitive?     Is getting it on just an overload of annoying stimulations? - room too hot or cold, sheets too itchy, unpleasant body smells or heat - it might be hard for him to get into the mood if everything works against him.    That all comes under finding the myriad of problems and fixing each one in turn.

    I'm not sure how frank I can be on this site but does he have any undeclared special interests?      Is he just a bit inhibited about coming clean (no pun intended)  Smiley

    Men are very simple devices - what can you do to put him in the mood spontaneously?      I guarantee there are things you can do that will immediately focus his mind on the task in hand. Smiley    All you need to do is create enough positives to outweigh anything his brain can try to argue with.

    Good luck.

  • in reply to Plastic

    I agree, If there are any issues in the bedroom, it's always best, To talk about it, and see if there are any things what you both struggle with or things that you both like, 

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